shit

that's how I feel right now. shitty. I can't really go into detail but this guy that I know is in constant turmoil with his insides and he doesn't seem to do anything to help it. It's as if he LIKES being depressed. it's fucked up!! I don't know what to do about it because when I talk to him I feel like I'm being annoying. he always says I'm not annoying him at all, but he doesn't talk to me, unless I talk to him... most of the time. UGH, it's so obnoxious. and I think we're friends. so I can't just NOT talk to him. but I feel like I shouldn't talk to him because I'm getting my hopes up?????? he's constantly hinting about having feelings for someone. I don't want to think it's me. in fact, I'm almost certain that they never are feelings for me. I'm not "odd" enough for him. but the fact that he hints around, and lets me (and other people) see what he's trying to express just demands attention and lets my thoughts wander. but I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I could be honest with him. I always am honest with him, I just keep some stuff inside. I guess this is exactly what he's doing.... hinting around that he feels something, but not coming right out and telling the person WHAT he feels and HOW he feels and WHY...

I'm so bothered by this. I want to know what the fuck he's talking about. enough with the vagueness. if he wants something to happen, he's going to have to initiate something. be brave!! and DO SOMETHING about it if you want things to change. I don't even care any more if he has feelings for me, whether they be friendly or otherwise, I just want to know what he's trying to say and who he's trying to say it to. I can't handle the mystery and I don't want to ask him too much and risk sounding meddling and nosy, though I think I might just explode one day and drill him with thousands of random questions, without caring what he thinks of me or how comfortable I'm making him. this has gone on long enough, damnit. I'm pissed. and I'm sick of it.

Gorilla!!!

yeah, I was just sitting here with my friend and I asked her to give me a word that starts with a G. GORILLA. coolness. booooredddd! we're waiting for some guy to show up so we can go get sushi. and then I have class. :( on a friday night. (again, what is the matter with me, right?) it's usually not that bad, but I have a quiz tonight and I hate examinations of any kind, sooo.... yeah. not looking forward to it. gorilla. new slang. it means... ? I don't know what it means. use it any way you choose. I'm going to study some more. I don't want to fail. or do I?... hmm.....

who likes dried pinneapple?

I frickin LOVE dried pinneapple I've discovered. It's super sweet and full of preservatives, but oh well. So is candy, only candy doesn't include real fruit. Good stuff.

I'm listening to Alkaline Trio like a mad woman. I can't get enough.

AND I discovered something fun. Go to this website: http://artpad.art.com/artpad/painter/
it will keep you occupied for hours. I really wish I had something better to do. Picasso I am so not.

Happy hunting.