!! :( & ?

I got an A on my last test. I always feel so incredibly shocked when I get As on stuff. I'm not an A student. what's going on here?? it's pretty great though. I'm on an A high at the moment..

but.
I'm kind of feeling one of those feelings like I belong anywhere but here. I reeeaalllyy like Fort Collins, don't get me wrong. it's just that stuff is happening with my people everywhere else and I don't like being far away. :( nobody knows me anymore unless I force myself on them. I change all the time people! I'm becoming more of certain things and less of others. learning as I go.. I want to share it with friends. aaannnddd I make no sense. appy polly loggies.

okay, so lately there have been craploads of incoming freshmen on campus for the preview orientation thing. I can't help but wonder if anyone else is shocked by their size and clothing style. ? they're frickin monsters! even the girls. and I remember being fresh out of high school and feeling like clothes were the only thing that mattered in the world. these people have no individual style! I can't believe it. (I guess I was pretty conforming at that age too, but I at least felt the need to do SOMETHING different) even their parents have wardrobe issues.
haha, I'm so shallow. I do try to catch people's eyes and give 'em a smile at least, but most of them don't even look up... :O speak of the devil. a girl just walked in with her coach bag and her mint-green-polo-wearin daddy. kinda creepy actually. with their dyed hair and fake tans.. can't wait for fall!

I have to pee.

for lack of a more witty title jumping into my head.

it is true though...


ANYway. it's monday and I had trouble getting up at 6 this morning, but I didn't have trouble getting up at 4 this morning because I had to pee. I was perfectly energized! I think I only laid back down because I'm lazy. apparently that was a mistake. why do I feel the need to write about this pointless shit?? ugh.
I might as well gripe because that's what I'm best at I think.
I need a book for class that they do not have at the school bookstore, rams bookstore OR big dog textbooks. I don't want to order it online. :( I don't want to ask Barnes & Noble or the bookstore on campus to order it for me, cuz who knows how long that'll take. (and because of my social anxiety)
I don't know why, but I've been listening to slow, moody, dramatic music lately that makes me cry. because it makes me cry. (I know why I listen to it, I just don't know why I'm torturing myself) I actually caught myself tearing up in the library the other day because of a SONG. that's no good.
fucking school. ruins everything. I want to say "peace out" to this summer class, but I'm halfway through, so that's a dumb idea. I need a job, my car is falling apart and I'm scared to tell my dad, I like being at home more than anywhere else (well, almost anywhere else), and I have no friends nearby to keep me company. (so go meet some new people, right? yeah yeah, I know) punk.

I'm such a baby! man.

I've got nothing to say

I've got nothing to say,
I've got nothing to say,
I'm an utter dismay,
I've got nothing to say.

weeeiiirrrrdd

okay, so. I was listening to a song on myspace and the exact lyrics were, "I gotta go, I gotta get out of here.." and THEN. get this.. internet explorer glitches and shuts off on me. just out of nowhere, but RIGHT after the song. freak me out.

in other news: I might, MIGHT, go to Wales next spring to study abroad!! I'm really excited about the possibility. I was excited before. now I'm REALLY excited. (Sarah is a spazzzz.. and a half)

there's some guy in the library right now, near me, who smells like fish. and not the good kind of fish.. the cheap crayola marker kind of fish. :[
bleh.

frivolity

yeah. I got bored and decided to google something..
today's word: frivolous

-a band
-some wikipedia definition of a legal term
-a clothing line
-youtube video
-The Truth About Frivolous Tax Arguments (a pdf)

woohoo. the internet never ceases to amaze me.

I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. not because of the googling of frivolous.. but because yesterday I was walking around in direct, scorching sunlight and sweating like a beast and today it's been nothing but chilly and damp. I personally prefer the chilly and damp, but it's so confusing! Colorado weather is a pain. I'm going to go check out a book that I've read three times now. and read it again.
I'm wearing some four-dollar thrift store flats today. they fit me perfectly, it's amazing. I love second-hand things!

and. I think the universe is conspiring against me. today marked the THIRD time since the summer started that I have put $1.50 into a vending machine and my goddamn skittles have gotten stuck. there is nothing more aggravating, seriously. I'm going to punch a hole in the wall the next time those freakin skittles.. no, probably not. my hands are too pretty.

I hope someone is still reading my blog..

I realized that the only person that I knew who actually took interest in this is in a completely different state (geographically, and I'm sure also mentally) so I don't know if I have any more followers to possibly entertain....
but I will go on anyway. digress, if you will.

I keep listening to the same song over and over because it helps me focus and it's sad and pretty and I wish I could live in a bubble with nothing but the noise of the song around me. gosh, I sound so weird. it looks like there's a storm hovering above the area. I wish it would just let loose. none of this anticipation junk. :/
I keep getting lost in everything. I mean EVERYTHING. all at once. I try to put on some nice music and focus on this reading I have to do for class, but my mind goes on reeling without my permission. I'm thinking about going to Elitch's and riding rollercoasters.. and then about Wales and the possibility of a semester abroad.. and then I start thinking about all of the things I have to do that I should have gotten done sooner but since I didn't they're piling up and overwhelming me more.. (shocker) I need someone to express all of these random thoughts to who will give me some intuitive feedback. my friends hear my thoughts and then present THEIR side (which I can't snub because I'm guilty of doing the exact same thing. everyone's naturally selfish) and my mom always gives me the "well, I don't know what to tell you" thing. it's not like my job is hard! I don't have a hard life. I'm just so unsatisfied with my situation no matter what I do. I always want to be doing something different. it's exhausting. I'm not even talking about what I was originally talking about! bahhh.. fuck it.