my mom's watching Dr. Phil.. my brother drives a pick-up truck, I'm unemployed, and our house is filled with shit. what is happening to my family???!!!!?!?!?!
in other news, I'm finally getting my act together and filling out resumes/applying for jobs. I hate it, but I hate not having a job even more. I can't sleep at night unless I interact with people during the day. it's so strange
we just moved the last of my things from Fort Collins so now I have even less space than I did before, but I'm finding out that making room and sorting through things isn't HALF as big of a chore as my mom's always made it out to be..
I have a mission now, and that's all I needed. over and out
Sep 8, 2009
Sep 3, 2009
okay, so I almost can't stand this anymore. my mom drives me nuts. SHE is nuts!
whenever she's home I just feel pent up and agitated and then the second she leaves to go somewhere I let loose and happiness overcomes! I feel like an angsty teenager again... but she's seriously mental! she acts like I don't know how to do anything, and when I try to act like a grown-up she gets mad and then starts COUGHING and then I feel bad about setting off her stress-related illness. gosh, I can't deal with it.
I still can't decide on a job. I mean, I could apply for a whole bunch of them but I'm not quite to the point where I'm going to yet. I feel like a complete bum lately. I hardly ever leave the house, I keep forgetting to return people's phone calls.. I'm socially retarded! even talking to the neighbors freaks me out. I'm losing confidence in almost everything (including myself) and I don't know what to do.
maybe it's the change of scenery or the change of responsibility, I don't know! I'm just not happy anymore. I've stopped caring. I want a job, but I don't care enough to find one. it makes me sad to think about all the people and things that I might never see again. I don't feel like moving on. I'm stuck in the past.
and our satellite just stopped working so I can't watch Scrubs anymore :(
whenever she's home I just feel pent up and agitated and then the second she leaves to go somewhere I let loose and happiness overcomes! I feel like an angsty teenager again... but she's seriously mental! she acts like I don't know how to do anything, and when I try to act like a grown-up she gets mad and then starts COUGHING and then I feel bad about setting off her stress-related illness. gosh, I can't deal with it.
I still can't decide on a job. I mean, I could apply for a whole bunch of them but I'm not quite to the point where I'm going to yet. I feel like a complete bum lately. I hardly ever leave the house, I keep forgetting to return people's phone calls.. I'm socially retarded! even talking to the neighbors freaks me out. I'm losing confidence in almost everything (including myself) and I don't know what to do.
maybe it's the change of scenery or the change of responsibility, I don't know! I'm just not happy anymore. I've stopped caring. I want a job, but I don't care enough to find one. it makes me sad to think about all the people and things that I might never see again. I don't feel like moving on. I'm stuck in the past.
and our satellite just stopped working so I can't watch Scrubs anymore :(
Aug 19, 2009
all in the golden afternoon
my baker's muscles are turning into gardener's muscles. I almost broke my wrist/hand the other day when I encountered a particularly strong weed and fell backward onto some concrete :/
ouchy, I know. yard work is dangerous!
I'm trying to clear out our front plant area (I can't call it a garden because it's NOT) so that I can plant some poppies. I love poppies. I want them to go to seed and cover the entire front yard so our neighbors can complain about what a mess we are. haha
oh, so yeah I was working in the front yesterday and found a SNAKE skin. from a SNAKE. I don't know if it lives in our weeds, but I'm really careful now when I disturb the area...
AND I'm pretty sure the bees are out to get me. they fly a reasonable distance away but I can tell that they're just waiting for the perfect moment to go buzzing by my ear and make me drop my trimming sheers on my foot
ouchy, I know. yard work is dangerous!
I'm trying to clear out our front plant area (I can't call it a garden because it's NOT) so that I can plant some poppies. I love poppies. I want them to go to seed and cover the entire front yard so our neighbors can complain about what a mess we are. haha
oh, so yeah I was working in the front yesterday and found a SNAKE skin. from a SNAKE. I don't know if it lives in our weeds, but I'm really careful now when I disturb the area...
AND I'm pretty sure the bees are out to get me. they fly a reasonable distance away but I can tell that they're just waiting for the perfect moment to go buzzing by my ear and make me drop my trimming sheers on my foot
Aug 17, 2009
summer blues
I know I KNOW I haven't been keeping up with this blog and it's dumb. but now that I have daily access to home internet and may actually have an audience, I'll be better about it. just bear with me because I tend to ramble and talk about things that most people don't find at all interesting and leave out all the stuff about my life that someone may care about. I think that's me in a nutshell actually..
so, no more bakeshop. I worked at the place for a year and a half but it seems to have completely flown by. and I only wrote one entry about it. ummm.. dangit
if you work at the bakeshop you've heard all about my feelings toward the place. it was just a job, but it was such an interesting job. I think I'll miss the cute boys more than anything ;)
lately I've been pulling a lot of weeds and getting dirty feet everywhere I step in this house. the place needs more work than I could possibly contribute to it, so I'm afraid it will never be presentable. my mom treats me like a servant to her domain. she thinks because she owns the house she shouldn't have to do any upkeep? I don't get it. and then she'll work all day and go into a coughing fit and I feel guilty so I wash her work dishes and then discover she's been on facebook for two hours while my brother and I think she's gone to sleep or something. I've also witnessed her spending more money than need be spent on stupid little things but then she complains that she can't afford her inhalers that may save her from potentially DYING someday soon. UGHHHH
the carpet was removed from our front rooms so now it's exposed concrete and/or cheap linoleum showing through. we have to vaccuum every day in order to keep the dog fur from flying up into our food/drinks/faces/whatever and since I've been here I'm the only one who actually brushes the poor, spoiled dog who thinks she can get a treat every time she whines in your face. wait, no I'm not bitter.
my mom calls me selfish when I talk about going out with my friends or spending MY money on a new accessory but then she'll decide to go meet someone for dinner and tell my 17-year-old brother to buy a hamburger at McDonald's because she's not going to cook anything. I'M selfish when I worry about MY job situation or MY lack of relationships instead of sorting through all of HER stuff that is in my way or applying for the jobs that SHE thinks I should apply for.
this has to stop or one of us is gonna get murdered by the other.
aside from wallowing in my obvious angst, I've been thinking about what I actually want to do job-wise. I've always had a slight desire to go to culinary school and then open my own business. maybe a cake shop or something.. so I've been looking into that. all of my friends are going to design school in New York or moving to Japan to teach English or something bigger and better. I'd love to experience new, far-off places, but I don't know if that's quite right for me. I freak out and get all introverted when I'm forced to acclimate to a new setting. I'm nowhere near even contemplating settling down.. yet, so it seems the best option as of right now is starting a band with my friends. we're gonna throw all of our material possessions away (except the cameras and the best clothes), take up some instruments and probably party in London. with Rob Pattinson
so, no more bakeshop. I worked at the place for a year and a half but it seems to have completely flown by. and I only wrote one entry about it. ummm.. dangit
if you work at the bakeshop you've heard all about my feelings toward the place. it was just a job, but it was such an interesting job. I think I'll miss the cute boys more than anything ;)
lately I've been pulling a lot of weeds and getting dirty feet everywhere I step in this house. the place needs more work than I could possibly contribute to it, so I'm afraid it will never be presentable. my mom treats me like a servant to her domain. she thinks because she owns the house she shouldn't have to do any upkeep? I don't get it. and then she'll work all day and go into a coughing fit and I feel guilty so I wash her work dishes and then discover she's been on facebook for two hours while my brother and I think she's gone to sleep or something. I've also witnessed her spending more money than need be spent on stupid little things but then she complains that she can't afford her inhalers that may save her from potentially DYING someday soon. UGHHHH
the carpet was removed from our front rooms so now it's exposed concrete and/or cheap linoleum showing through. we have to vaccuum every day in order to keep the dog fur from flying up into our food/drinks/faces/whatever and since I've been here I'm the only one who actually brushes the poor, spoiled dog who thinks she can get a treat every time she whines in your face. wait, no I'm not bitter.
my mom calls me selfish when I talk about going out with my friends or spending MY money on a new accessory but then she'll decide to go meet someone for dinner and tell my 17-year-old brother to buy a hamburger at McDonald's because she's not going to cook anything. I'M selfish when I worry about MY job situation or MY lack of relationships instead of sorting through all of HER stuff that is in my way or applying for the jobs that SHE thinks I should apply for.
this has to stop or one of us is gonna get murdered by the other.
aside from wallowing in my obvious angst, I've been thinking about what I actually want to do job-wise. I've always had a slight desire to go to culinary school and then open my own business. maybe a cake shop or something.. so I've been looking into that. all of my friends are going to design school in New York or moving to Japan to teach English or something bigger and better. I'd love to experience new, far-off places, but I don't know if that's quite right for me. I freak out and get all introverted when I'm forced to acclimate to a new setting. I'm nowhere near even contemplating settling down.. yet, so it seems the best option as of right now is starting a band with my friends. we're gonna throw all of our material possessions away (except the cameras and the best clothes), take up some instruments and probably party in London. with Rob Pattinson
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)