Scarlett fields

it's officially Scarlett Sunday. I'm declaring it on account of two things- one: I have a girl crush on Scarlett Johansson and really just want to look like her more than anything. two: I'm bored and I decided to find beautiful pictures of her to motivate myself to look better.

here I go. (this is partly inspired by my friend Rachel's obsessive blog entry about Megan Fox ;) <3 you Rach, but Scarlett's way hotter)

her appeal is more based on her ability to be sultry and emotive instead of full-on sexual, I think. she's so versatile and has been in the most amazing photo shoots...

.. one of my favorites. I LOVE her thin arms and full lips. two traits I unfortunately do not possess :/ but the curls I can do, no problem ;)

what about this red hair?? crazy good-looking on her. I think it was only done for that Iron Man movie, but I'm a fan.

this picture is probably my all-time favorite of Scarlett. I don't know why exactly, it's just so white-trash glam and I guess I'm a typical "give me cheap synthetic fabrics" white girl. though the dress is probably silk, I'd buy it in anything else if it would look this good on me. haha

I don't even feel the need to explain the rest of these. how can you not be attracted to this girl? her face is so unique and her beauty isn't a cookie cutter "perfect" type of beauty. she looks like the subject of an old Renaissance-era painting. probably why she's put into a lot of period films.

anyone who knows what I look like can guess why I picked this^ one as inspiration. haha

<3

I'm not as big of a fan of the brown hair. this picture highlights her pristine profile and amazing lips though :)

spread for Mango

and last but not least, the way she walks. if you ever watch a movie with Scarlett Johansson in it and pay attention to her walk (like I do, obviously), it's so distinctive. she has this slightly pigeon-toed, long-legged walk with just enough wobble. I wish I could do it.

and I'm spent.

he's my deal, as a matter of fact.

weird. I used to be a pretty shallow person, strictly about looks as a first impression... these days not so much. (is this growing up, or giving up?)

lately I've noticed that when I meet a guy, I'm more self-conscious and awkward if he's good-looking, which makes me not act like myself and therefore give the wrong impression. sometimes it's a better impression, but not a true one.. if he's okay-looking and not exactly my ideal hair color/body type (like I have an ideal anyway? I've never even had a serious relationship!) then it's easier for me to be silly/flirty/not care so much about what I say. I should have known this was the case from the start. I've had so many online "friendships" where I told people practically anything because I wasn't afraid of meeting them and having them judge me based on the way I look. for some reason I've been living my *real* life in some completely physical, judgmental way and being frustrated when I can't find people I'm happy with or who have something in common with me. DUH! I'm not uber attractive! obviously guys who aren't gorgeous either are gonna have more to spark my interest with than the ones who are!

not that I'm saying I'm now attracted to unattractive people, but I guess looks are less important. :/ kinda weird to say that. I always thought I would hold out for the PERFECT, tall, dark and handsome dude who liked me for being me and was tired of all the high-maintenance girls that didn't value HIS personality because they were too busy trying to look good together. so much for that. but I do still feel like there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction... you know, it just doesn't work if looking at the guy turns you off.

so now I need to work on trying to look past appearances and actually getting to know men (yes, I said "men." ugh, I really am getting older) before I decide whether they're cool or not. or whether we'd have something to base a relationship on. wheewww I usually don't sound so straight-forward when it comes to talking about the opposite sex but I'm sure this is a good thing.

bring it on, guys! you better step it up in the character department ;)

the walls of my heart are lined in leopard

I'm obsessed with leopard print. this isn't a recent development, I'd say it's been going on for about three years now... it's slowly gaining intensity though. I used to say "okay, leopard print sheets are a bit extreme, but that's as far as I'll go." now I have added a purse and a couple pairs

of shoes to my collection. everything I see that has leopard print on it is automatically cute! what is wrong with me??????!?!! I used to think the only people who liked or would wear leopard print were old women or super tacky, white trash types.. I'm turning white trash :( or I'm getting old. probably both. ughhh life.

my newest goal is to find an awesome dress or skirt. this is Dior from a few years ago:

just gorgeous.. I love the shoes too..

this Spring by Dolce & Gabbana:

suuuper cute with the lace on the sleeves!

this one is an absolute dream! the colors and the flowy-ness.. love it:

by Bluemarine

now if I can just find one I can afford...

I'm so dumb

I thought things would be a breeze once I got done with school...

inspiration and motivation aren't things that you can force or hurry. I need help, I admit it. I just don't know who from. so far the "help" I've been getting is having an opposite effect.

age has nothing to do with being grown up

my head won't leave my head alone

I wish I could stop obsessing over guys that I'll probably never see again..

shit's been coming to my attention recently that makes me wonder if I should contact certain people again, but I can't convince myself to. I mean, what would come of it? this dude's in Colorado.. if I say "hey, how's life? remember how we used to flirt? maybe we should make something of that," it'll be stupid because I'm here and he's there.

but. if he ever feels like coming here or I end up visiting Colorado again soon...

ugh. too much.

I wonder if he ever thinks about me and the interactions we used to have or if that's all in my head and he thinks I was a stupid ditz. my friends think I have nothing to lose by talking to him again, but I DO. I have my dignity. I would feel really lame and desperate if I said hi to him and he responded with "ummm, why are you trying to be my friend now? after like, three years??" or he didn't respond at all!! that would be the worst :( I guess that's what I'm most afraid of.

but then there's also the possibility that he'll be really happy about it. I used to think he had feelings for me, though I don't know why, but I never knew how to flirt or make it into something. what if he wants to get closer and talk more often and maybe eventually come visit? or have me visit... that's scary too.

I don't want to write about this anymore, so I'm gonna share my newest discovery.

CocoRosie. a band of two sisters that sounds like little girls singing made up songs to an electronic back-beat. I love it. I feel like I used to hear their music a lot in college and just didn't know who they were.. so now I do and I'm having fun :)

Noah's Ark

saltwater queen

I know this is like the most retarded, emo, self-pity thing to say ever, but I really hate myself sometimes. now being one of those times

I just spent an hour and a half straightening my hair, applying smoky nighttime makeup, and trying on every dress/heels combination that I have before deciding that I wasn't gonna go out. my friend invited me to dinner and drinks for her birthday tonight and I was so glad that she actually wants me around (we haven't seen each other for a while and honestly, she's way cooler and more Vegas than me) but I felt like my wardrobe wouldn't suffice for the night ahead. and I didn't have money. I'm so sick of asking my dad for money. I KNOW I need to find a job and start supporting myself and not worrying about how I'm gonna afford nights out with friends, but that's a separate story.

so I thought "maybe I should just go and not worry about how well-dressed I am" and then I thought "no I can't wear that. it's lame." who cares that it's lame? no one. only me. then I thought "I can't wear this because I'm way too fat for it." really, it's just my arms that are exposed and fat. but I couldn't wear a cardigan with a frumpy dress while everyone else is wearing cute cocktail dresses from department stores.

I spent so much time criticizing and second-guessing my clothing choices that it ended up being half an hour past the time that my friend wanted people to meet up and I still had a 30-minute drive to get to the place :/ so I thought to myself (I do this a lot, in case you haven't noticed) "it's not worth driving all the way there if they're almost done and are about to go somewhere else." plus I hate being late and I'm ALWAYS late. sometimes, for some reason, I'll think it's better to not go at all than to show up late. what is wrong with me?!?! it's so fucking ridiculous that I over-analyze these things that aren't even important and miss out on spending time that IS important :(

it makes me really sad and disappointed in myself. I feel like punching a wall right now because I can't deal with this issue in any other way. I'm missing the birthday celebration. I wasted time making myself pretty to just take everything off again. I'm now sitting at home complaining about how lame I am because I'm not going out. I set up these situations that are inevitable EVERY time that I have the chance to be a normal person and do something fun. it makes no sense to me. am I really that scared of everything?? ...

high anxiety

alas, blue hair must wait til monday night! things are actually happening this weekend and I'm supposed to say hi to my mom's friend who is in town (meh) and she might judge me too harshly :(

ahhh I wish more people read my blog. then I would feel like I have a purpose... I'm so used to being alone that I get overwhelmed when one person wants to spend time with me. that's pretty sad

too much time looking up's turning everything blue

I want to be this girl. in this picture. that is all.

oh, also: blue hair this weekend. I'm going all out. it will wash out in three days or so, so I don't really care about how it may affect people's opinions of me or what my parents/other family members will think. boo ya

also also: rum & cokes rock my socks off

it can't be helped

I like to complain about things that I either can't change or that I know won't be changed, so here I go

I wish I wasn't in this situation that I'm in at this point in my life. maybe two years ago, or even three, but not now. it sucks right now. and I'm not getting any younger

the stupid cats like to wait until everyone's comfy and dozing off in their beds and then they start scratching shit up!! and they know you'll come out and yell at them and/or smack them so they run away from you and IT'S THE MOST FRUSTRATING THING EVER. ugh. I want to move away and get my own cat that is de-clawed so I don't have to worry about this crap and feel guilty that the fucking furniture is shredded.

for some reason when I sit at a computer my right hand gets really cold but my left doesn't. it's uncomfortable

my favorite thing to complain about are the guys who will never be mine. they're too good for me. or I'm not their type (even though they're EXACTLY my type) or they're physically attracted to something I'll never be or I let a friendship go on too long and now we're destined to be nothing but friends... forever! yay

and I sit around thinking someone will talk to me or notice that I exist or give me the attention that I give them but it never happens. I don't know why I expect differently

my least favorite thing to complain about is my friends. they really piss me off sometimes. I feel like ignoring them and acting like I'm too busy so they know how it feels. I mean, I know I don't have a job or school or anything important to worry about so why shouldn't I be there when they need me? but it's not like I was any different when I DID have school and a job. it's bullshit. nobody cares and I'm SICK of them saying they do. they don't, they just wish they did

I don't know where my motivation is lately. I honestly cannot recall the last time I had fun doing something that I suggested or wanted to do. I never want to do anything. I knit all the time but I feel like I don't make anything. I read and watch movies but I don't learn anything. I interact with people and become LESS inspired than before. the only time I get anything done is when I'm buzzed and can actually focus on one thing at a time or if someone around me is doing something different from what I'm trying to do and I can rebel. blah, I'm tired, I'm going to bed. if anyone's hoping that I'll stay up late tonight to (not) talk to you, screw you. try getting up early for me

5 months til my birthday!

add this to my wishlist:

this could be the start of something great.

no, it's not a new love interest (unfortunately)... I got a new bed! and a new mattress that I picked out!!

in case this is confusing, I'll explain- I've been sleeping on the bottom half of an old bunk bed with a crappy-ass mattress for the past year. it has sucked, to say the least. I would lie there and actually feel my ribs pushing against the springs in the mattress. I would wake up with pains everywhere and I never felt fully rested even after 10 hours of sleep.

I downsized to a twin from a full size, but it doesn't bother me a bit. it's an awesome, antique-looking bed and I got a posturepedic mattress with the right cushioning in the right places... AND to top it all off.. my dad bought me Hello Kitty sheets. haha!! I didn't even ask for them. I'm 25 and have Hello Kitty on my bed. fucking awesome. I'm used to twin beds since being in college for six years and living in spare rooms the rest of the time after, plus it saves on space. so now I've got less under the bed space but lots more room in my room. I still have to rearrange my furniture, but I actually slept comfortably in my room last night and it was MAGNIFICENT. so stoked about this new bed thing

fuck it, where's my shit?

I am newly obsessed with the band Warpaint and can't get enough of them. this is one of my favorite videos of theirs that I've found. I would suggest looking up the song "Beetles" if you want to know what they're saying since it's kind of hard to tell in this..

me me me

I love when females can be grungy and look obviously unwashed but still come off as sexy and talented. <3 chick rock!

and me!

... so free-spirited and happy

she is the new thing

Picture of the Day

I found this online and liked it so much that I saved it. I'm gonna get new glasses soon so maybe I should try a pair like these?