can't

I can't get my work done. I'm starting to not care. I should probably head home now and I haven't even written a whole page since 1:00. I hate school. just when I start to LIKE it, things happen to make me not like it, and then I hate it again. what is one to do. done.

un.inspired

blah. that's all I've got. things are sucking lately. I don't do anything, barely talk to anyone (but when I do talk to people, I regret it).. I guess I could change these things, but that takes motivation.

still working on the stupid spain and portugal paper that's due friday. the end of the semester is near and I have a million things to work on. but I'm sure everyone else does too. I can't remember why I was going to write a blog in the first place..
it'll come back to me.

oh, I hate my stupid regretful, indecisive nature! (duh) I will debate and conflict with myself over the tiniest, most trivial thing, and then if I do it, I feel like a dumb ass. but if I don't do it, I feel stupid for not taking a chance. what's wrong with me?

then: PEOPLE. I can't get over it. don't say I'm cool and that we should hang out, blah blah blah, and that we're FRIENDS and then completely ignore me. I just want to know if I'm wanted or not. :(

thursday

I'm starting to like thursdays a bit more than I used to. it's hard to explain. something about the next day being friday and then thursdays are usually more eventful than other days (even if it's not very positive eventfulness)...
today, on the plaza, they have polynesian stuff going on. food and dancing and music. I feel like I'm back in Hawaii. :) and I like how not many other people here really know what it's like to go to school in Hawaii and to see that stuff all the time. so for me it's nostalgia, for them it's something strange and intriguing. it does make me miss da island a little bit, and it's helping to brighten my mood (along with the weather). yay for spring, finally.
k, so I go to myspace to log in and the person who was on here before me's name was on there (if you know, then you know) and it said, "Hi, superman". haha. cracked me up. I'm so addicted to updating my stupid profiles on facebook and myspace. I don't even use them to stalk people anymore (I know, what's wrong with me?) I just think of ways I can change my look, or music, or what new things I can write about myself. I'm soooo lame! gosh. talking about this crap.
I am lacking things to do this weekend. (alright, strike that. I'm lacking PEOPLE to do things with this weekend) I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to have a reason to get up in the mornings and get dressed to go out. I have a feeling that all I'll worry about is school work and I probably won't even get anything done, like usual. :( right now I have an hour to waste in the library.. maybe I'll stumble across something interesting on the internet?

slacking

I don't want to do anything that I should do. (surprise, surprise) I have a research paper I should be working on. I should do some job searching. I should be patient. I should go home and eat instead of sitting in the library at this computer. my stomach is about to eat itself. I should call my dad and tell him I need money instead of copping out and writing a dumb email. I should study french. I should do french homework! actually, I think I will while I'm here. where was I? I should call people on the phone, period. I never do that. facebook rules our lives.

I'm excited

things I'm looking forward to (in no specific order):

graduation (even though I'm not graduating, I'm excited for those who are)
summer classes (no, really)
Across the Universe (look it up!!)
having a job and having MONEY (for obvious reasons)
a steady friend (or more than friend)
end of the year festivities (which have kind of already started)
Lindsay's wedding (if I can afford to go.. that is)
visiting my dad (Vegas, new pad, kitty)
311 in August! (I MIGHT see them..)

I might be updating this list from time to time. (check back)
;)

umbrella(s)

oh boy. so yesterday was a mess. 30-something people died because a crazed genius with a gun was mad. makes you happy to be living in this world, huh? all I have to say is they didn't deserve it. I didn't know any of the victims personally, but I'm sure they didn't deserve it.
there also was a free Common concert on campus last night. :] that was cool. except it started a couple hours later than it was supposed to-- lame. we got rained on. haha, I couldn't help but smile at the few random umbrellas that I saw. rain+hip hop equals happiness.
speaking of umbrellas.. I've been searching google for a good picture of someone with an umbrella, particularly in a cloudy/rainy setting, but all I'm finding are goofy pictures of George Bush holding an inside-out black umbrella. ? silly Bush. AND there was a picture in the midst of that with a guy sitting behind an umbrella with the words "bush kills children" painted on it. I know, right? haha.
the search continues. I have no idea why I'm looking for this particular picture, but I NEED it.

I have a quiz in my class in half an hour over this book that I never even acquired. gonna have some problems.. luckily it's multiple choice. O.O

I was lied to

I thought there was going to be some ground-breaking epic of a snowstorm last night and there wasn't. not that I wanted it, but still.
and I just realized it's friday the 13th and I've been under the impression that it's the 12th!! bah.
I think that explains it then. the weather's freaky because of the date. or just because it's a retarded state in terms of weather predictability period.

I also think that I'm suffering from some kind of depression/dementia. I woke up angry. I mean ANGRY, for no reason at all other than that I HAD to get up. I hope I didn't ruin my roommate's sleep due to my banging stuff and groaning with annoyance at nothing at all. (though this morning, when I was mad, I wouldn't have given a rat's ass if she was disturbed) then, when I got into my french class after being shot with some cold wind and un-comfort from the way people were looking at me (or not looking at me), I felt extremely giddy. everyone else was bummed about the weather so that gave me an excuse to be controversial and say things like, "cheer up, it's friday!" and "at least it didn't snow" when I wasn't even thinking those things. haha, I'm so weird lately! everything was making me laugh though. and no one else was laughing at the things that I was laughing at, so then that made me laugh at the fact that I was the only one laughing. man.

oh, also. I was under the impression that a certain person might have somewhat been interested in getting to know me better, but it seems more like I'm bugging the heck out of him, so I've decided to stop pursuing that venture. in case anyone was wondering.

Melancholy

ooookaaayyyy..

I haven't even logged into my blog in more than four months, so it's a little all over the place. I'm not going to get rid of my old ones, but I am going to start writing some more (at least I think). those of you who are actually reading this are probably my facebook friends or some random blogger who thought I looked interesting. guess what? I'm NOT. haha. no, actually I am. well... I'll let you decide for yourself.

the mood is melancholy- according to dictionary.com it could mean an assortment of things. sadness, depression, irritability, gloomy, pensive, a combination of all of those...
lately I've been feeling like nothing matters. I care about how I look or sound at this exact point in time, but everything else isn't really sinking in. the future: what's the future gonna hold for me? who knows? (so I don't really worry about it too much) the past: MY past is a bunch of sad memories and people who I can barely even remember. my school life is centered around humanity's past though, and I'm learning as much as I can from that.
I can't seem to figure things out. I mean, people. I can't seem to figure people out. everywhere I go it's different personality types and different ways of dealing with things. I just haven't gotten the hang of THIS place yet, I guess. maybe I should stop trying to figure people out and just work on liking them for the way they are. sometimes I just wish someone would say, "it's because I'm confused." or "I don't like you, go away." or "talk to me some more because I can't decide whether I like this or not." I'm sure I make no sense.
everyone always says they like how "open" I am. or they admire my honesty, or my ability to say what I want to say. it's not hard! everyone should do it. we'd all be a lot better off.