counting bodies like sheep

I need to stop this.

lately I've been looking up people I used to know. people that I used to have *things* with and it's not a good idea. one, because I need to get over them and bringing back memories is counter-productive. two, because it makes me wonder how I would be now if things HAD worked out with them. and that makes me curious about what THEY are like now... and that makes me want to contact them.

BAD. bad bad bad... you should never go back. things are never the same. ugh but I can't help wondering. bleh

I wish I didn't have such issues with people. I either try too hard and realize they're not worth it or I don't try enough and later realize they WERE worth it. sucks either way. I need to be a tad more trusting and a bit less neurotic probably.

it's too bad we can't get songs imprinted into our personalities so that when people get to know us they hear the songs that best describe our feelings or that we love most

2 and 2 always makes 5

if only drinking wasn't so hard on your body. I love how easy it is for me to say things I don't want to say after I've had a few and how much I'm willing to talk... I'm only afraid that I'll regret it when my liver croaks and I have to have an organ replacement. or when it gets old and people realize I'm boring.

so, I can't decide if this is logical thinking or not:

-if I buy food, I will eat it. if I eat the food that I usually buy, I will gain weight. so it's better that I don't leave the house to go buy food. right? :/

-if I don't leave the house, I will still eat food (probably too much) and sit around instead of getting outside and walking through grocery stores.. so staying home is bad for my figure as well.

-if I get up early, go to the gym and elliptical for like, 2 hours and THEN buy groceries and then sit around at home eating them, it's not as bad as either of the afore mentioned scenarios but then I get tired and sleep after I eat, which slows down my metabolism.

so I have decided that no matter what I do I regret it and life is hopeless

p.s. I still don't have a job. redundancy!

a deeper meaning?

I have no deeper meaning. I am no longer deep. all of my feelings have been expressed and my insides might as well be on the outside as everyone has seen them already... I have nothing to hide. people know me too well. I HAVE NO MORE SECRETS because I've told them all to anyone and everyone who will listen. I'm desperate for a kindred spirit, someone who cares or at least understands but it never happens. I just keep telling more and more hoping that someone will hear it and say "oh hey, me too!" pretty soon I'll have nothing to talk about and have my vocal chords removed. or maybe I'll start singing instead. or writing... writers are deep. right?

brunettes have more fun

I need an eyebrow pencil.