it's true, money doesn't get you very far

I went to Denver to shop at the Cherry Creek shopping center today. it was depressing. I mean, not because everything was SOOO expensive and it would have been laughable to see ME walk into the Louis Vuitton store like I could do something, I'm used to that. that's why I <3 that mall so much. the depressing thing was the fact that I DID have money and COULD have spent it on SOMETHING (maybe not Louis Vuitton.. ) but I didn't!! I didn't spend my money! what the deuce is happening to me? I used to LOOOOVE spending money on frivolous things that would make me happy for about two months! am I growing up? ick! I used to swoon over the shoes in Neiman Marcus that I usually only see on the pages of my fashion magazines and be amazed that I could actually pick them up and *gasp* maybe try them on! now it's nothing. it's the same old thing over and over

I always go to Cherry Creek and marvel at the prices and the types of people who actually AFFORD it all. I always get strange looks when people notice my undone hair and my frumpy clothes and my lack of designer jewelry. maybe I'm over it. maybe I want to blend in now for some reason and not be noticed. maybe I don't actually want to go to Cherry Creek anymore :(

how sad am I? this type of stuff pops into my head.. oh well
I'm supposed to call my dad tomorrow to tell him how I haven't been looking for jobs and definitely haven't FOUND a job and probably don't even care about a job anymore. fucking hell. what am I doing with my life?

I don't know what to do anymore

seriously this is getting ridiculous. why can't I just have an effing job already?!
I'm sick of waking up in this house where my stupid dog tries to kill herself, no one protects her from it, and I have no authority. I'm not in charge of anything! I can't even leave the house when I want unless I tell someone. I'm constantly distracted by all these other "duties", people keep saying they'll "help" me but they're not helping!! I'm just being pulled in 50 different directions. how am I supposed to figure things out for myself when I'm stuck worrying about all of this B.S. in a city that has NO opportunities?!
I've gotta get out of here!
I gotta get out of here I gotta get out of here
gahhhhhhhhhhh I've got to get out of here!!!
but I can't do anything yet! it IS all cyclical. I can't even spend my money anymore. probably fuck everything up
I have dreams about wandering through foreign countries on my own, but I'll never do that because I'm too chicken shit, and then I wake up to find that my brother's too stupid to put the dog outside before he leaves so I get to clean up after the food that she decided to scarf and the carpet that she decided to trash because she's now awake and doesn't have any attention doted on her. I can't even sleep 8 hours and wake up to a normal, functioning environment. this is so wrong for me!!

even the job searching goes in circles. I go to these job sites that tell me to create a resume through them, spend an hour doing that and then find that the jobs I want to apply for won't take the site's resume builder crap and I have to submit a separate one! or I have to fill out their mind-numbing, retard resume thing which takes me another hour and then I've been sitting at the computer too long and I want to go shopping :/
then I GO shopping, ask the store employees how I could go about applying for a job in their store and they tell me I have to fill out an application online
seriously. this can't be a good start. I've been a college graduate for a year now and I'm completely lost. I can't keep going in circles! I need to move forward. soon or I will lose my mind!!

one day I'll write a blog that's actually interesting and not full of complaints... hopefully