high anxiety

alas, blue hair must wait til monday night! things are actually happening this weekend and I'm supposed to say hi to my mom's friend who is in town (meh) and she might judge me too harshly :(

ahhh I wish more people read my blog. then I would feel like I have a purpose... I'm so used to being alone that I get overwhelmed when one person wants to spend time with me. that's pretty sad

too much time looking up's turning everything blue

I want to be this girl. in this picture. that is all.

oh, also: blue hair this weekend. I'm going all out. it will wash out in three days or so, so I don't really care about how it may affect people's opinions of me or what my parents/other family members will think. boo ya

also also: rum & cokes rock my socks off

it can't be helped

I like to complain about things that I either can't change or that I know won't be changed, so here I go

I wish I wasn't in this situation that I'm in at this point in my life. maybe two years ago, or even three, but not now. it sucks right now. and I'm not getting any younger

the stupid cats like to wait until everyone's comfy and dozing off in their beds and then they start scratching shit up!! and they know you'll come out and yell at them and/or smack them so they run away from you and IT'S THE MOST FRUSTRATING THING EVER. ugh. I want to move away and get my own cat that is de-clawed so I don't have to worry about this crap and feel guilty that the fucking furniture is shredded.

for some reason when I sit at a computer my right hand gets really cold but my left doesn't. it's uncomfortable

my favorite thing to complain about are the guys who will never be mine. they're too good for me. or I'm not their type (even though they're EXACTLY my type) or they're physically attracted to something I'll never be or I let a friendship go on too long and now we're destined to be nothing but friends... forever! yay

and I sit around thinking someone will talk to me or notice that I exist or give me the attention that I give them but it never happens. I don't know why I expect differently

my least favorite thing to complain about is my friends. they really piss me off sometimes. I feel like ignoring them and acting like I'm too busy so they know how it feels. I mean, I know I don't have a job or school or anything important to worry about so why shouldn't I be there when they need me? but it's not like I was any different when I DID have school and a job. it's bullshit. nobody cares and I'm SICK of them saying they do. they don't, they just wish they did

I don't know where my motivation is lately. I honestly cannot recall the last time I had fun doing something that I suggested or wanted to do. I never want to do anything. I knit all the time but I feel like I don't make anything. I read and watch movies but I don't learn anything. I interact with people and become LESS inspired than before. the only time I get anything done is when I'm buzzed and can actually focus on one thing at a time or if someone around me is doing something different from what I'm trying to do and I can rebel. blah, I'm tired, I'm going to bed. if anyone's hoping that I'll stay up late tonight to (not) talk to you, screw you. try getting up early for me

5 months til my birthday!

add this to my wishlist:

this could be the start of something great.

no, it's not a new love interest (unfortunately)... I got a new bed! and a new mattress that I picked out!!

in case this is confusing, I'll explain- I've been sleeping on the bottom half of an old bunk bed with a crappy-ass mattress for the past year. it has sucked, to say the least. I would lie there and actually feel my ribs pushing against the springs in the mattress. I would wake up with pains everywhere and I never felt fully rested even after 10 hours of sleep.

I downsized to a twin from a full size, but it doesn't bother me a bit. it's an awesome, antique-looking bed and I got a posturepedic mattress with the right cushioning in the right places... AND to top it all off.. my dad bought me Hello Kitty sheets. haha!! I didn't even ask for them. I'm 25 and have Hello Kitty on my bed. fucking awesome. I'm used to twin beds since being in college for six years and living in spare rooms the rest of the time after, plus it saves on space. so now I've got less under the bed space but lots more room in my room. I still have to rearrange my furniture, but I actually slept comfortably in my room last night and it was MAGNIFICENT. so stoked about this new bed thing

fuck it, where's my shit?

I am newly obsessed with the band Warpaint and can't get enough of them. this is one of my favorite videos of theirs that I've found. I would suggest looking up the song "Beetles" if you want to know what they're saying since it's kind of hard to tell in this..

me me me

I love when females can be grungy and look obviously unwashed but still come off as sexy and talented. <3 chick rock!

and me!

... so free-spirited and happy

she is the new thing

Picture of the Day

I found this online and liked it so much that I saved it. I'm gonna get new glasses soon so maybe I should try a pair like these?