summer blues

I know I KNOW I haven't been keeping up with this blog and it's dumb. but now that I have daily access to home internet and may actually have an audience, I'll be better about it. just bear with me because I tend to ramble and talk about things that most people don't find at all interesting and leave out all the stuff about my life that someone may care about. I think that's me in a nutshell actually..

so, no more bakeshop. I worked at the place for a year and a half but it seems to have completely flown by. and I only wrote one entry about it. ummm.. dangit

if you work at the bakeshop you've heard all about my feelings toward the place. it was just a job, but it was such an interesting job. I think I'll miss the cute boys more than anything ;)

lately I've been pulling a lot of weeds and getting dirty feet everywhere I step in this house. the place needs more work than I could possibly contribute to it, so I'm afraid it will never be presentable. my mom treats me like a servant to her domain. she thinks because she owns the house she shouldn't have to do any upkeep? I don't get it. and then she'll work all day and go into a coughing fit and I feel guilty so I wash her work dishes and then discover she's been on facebook for two hours while my brother and I think she's gone to sleep or something. I've also witnessed her spending more money than need be spent on stupid little things but then she complains that she can't afford her inhalers that may save her from potentially DYING someday soon. UGHHHH
the carpet was removed from our front rooms so now it's exposed concrete and/or cheap linoleum showing through. we have to vaccuum every day in order to keep the dog fur from flying up into our food/drinks/faces/whatever and since I've been here I'm the only one who actually brushes the poor, spoiled dog who thinks she can get a treat every time she whines in your face. wait, no I'm not bitter.
my mom calls me selfish when I talk about going out with my friends or spending MY money on a new accessory but then she'll decide to go meet someone for dinner and tell my 17-year-old brother to buy a hamburger at McDonald's because she's not going to cook anything. I'M selfish when I worry about MY job situation or MY lack of relationships instead of sorting through all of HER stuff that is in my way or applying for the jobs that SHE thinks I should apply for.
this has to stop or one of us is gonna get murdered by the other.

aside from wallowing in my obvious angst, I've been thinking about what I actually want to do job-wise. I've always had a slight desire to go to culinary school and then open my own business. maybe a cake shop or something.. so I've been looking into that. all of my friends are going to design school in New York or moving to Japan to teach English or something bigger and better. I'd love to experience new, far-off places, but I don't know if that's quite right for me. I freak out and get all introverted when I'm forced to acclimate to a new setting. I'm nowhere near even contemplating settling down.. yet, so it seems the best option as of right now is starting a band with my friends. we're gonna throw all of our material possessions away (except the cameras and the best clothes), take up some instruments and probably party in London. with Rob Pattinson