lately I've noticed that when I meet a guy, I'm more self-conscious and awkward if he's good-looking, which makes me not act like myself and therefore give the wrong impression. sometimes it's a better impression, but not a true one.. if he's okay-looking and not exactly my ideal hair color/body type (like I have an ideal anyway? I've never even had a serious relationship!) then it's easier for me to be silly/flirty/not care so much about what I say. I should have known this was the case from the start. I've had so many online "friendships" where I told people practically anything because I wasn't afraid of meeting them and having them judge me based on the way I look. for some reason I've been living my *real* life in some completely physical, judgmental way and being frustrated when I can't find people I'm happy with or who have something in common with me. DUH! I'm not uber attractive! obviously guys who aren't gorgeous either are gonna have more to spark my interest with than the ones who are!
not that I'm saying I'm now attracted to unattractive people, but I guess looks are less important. :/ kinda weird to say that. I always thought I would hold out for the PERFECT, tall, dark and handsome dude who liked me for being me and was tired of all the high-maintenance girls that didn't value HIS personality because they were too busy trying to look good together. so much for that. but I do still feel like there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction... you know, it just doesn't work if looking at the guy turns you off.
so now I need to work on trying to look past appearances and actually getting to know men (yes, I said "men." ugh, I really am getting older) before I decide whether they're cool or not. or whether we'd have something to base a relationship on. wheewww I usually don't sound so straight-forward when it comes to talking about the opposite sex but I'm sure this is a good thing.
bring it on, guys! you better step it up in the character department ;)
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