running

I can't tell if I miss him, or if I just miss the way I felt when I was with him...

how can you miss someone that you never really knew?

I'm struggling lately with fucked up feelings. I thought I could be in love but then my brain got in the way. I wish I was more open to a romantic situation, but when a person is here and then gone all of a sudden, it's kinda hard. I don't know how to deal with this.
part of me wants to tell him how much I was willing to sacrifice in order to be with him but the other part realizes how crazy and obsessive that is. I mean, if he had spent more than a few nights in that (romantic) capacity then it might have led to something. but now I'm wondering if it had ever meant anything. I hope I'm not just forcing some made-up scenario to feel better about myself. I truly hoped that he liked me as much as I liked him


perhaps we require the background:

this guy I know
-nay, this guy I obsessed over for more than a few months has left me high and dry. (sigh)
I don't know what to do anymore

I suppose this is what adults do. I just have had zero experience in adult situations before this, so it's hard for me to grasp.

I had a crush that led to a pretty decent friendship that led to a couple of flirty, half-confessional sessions with a guy that was (what I thought of as) perfect. we couldn't actually be together because he was leaving and I was inexperienced and it wasn't one of those things where all we wanted was a one night stand and then to never see each other again.. or so I thought.

it's turning out to be even worse than that. neither of us got laid and I'm still as inexperienced as ever when it comes to relationships and grown up anything for that matter and now I'm wondering if we'll ever see each other again.
it shouldn't be that hard. we're only four hours away

I don't really know how to explain what I've been feeling lately... I'll try a metaphor
it's like I was running a cross-country, long-distance race. things were moving steadily and I had an image of the finish line, I had no idea when I would (or if I would) get there, but the path kept getting more and more comfortable to run and all of a sudden things just felt easy and I knew I could reach the end without an issue. (the finish line is metaphorical for a relationship with anybody, but in this case, said guy)
so I'm running, things are easing up, I finally can see the finish line and it's such a realistic goal... but then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, someone picks up the finish line, bundles it up, and takes it away. I can't keep running because I'll get exhausted and I don't know how long until the finish line now. no idea where it's been moved to or if I'll ever find it.
I may need to start running a new race

but it's really hard for me to give up on one race and just start running another. I keep waiting for someone to put the finish line back up so I can finish this race.