my head won't leave my head alone

I wish I could stop obsessing over guys that I'll probably never see again..

shit's been coming to my attention recently that makes me wonder if I should contact certain people again, but I can't convince myself to. I mean, what would come of it? this dude's in Colorado.. if I say "hey, how's life? remember how we used to flirt? maybe we should make something of that," it'll be stupid because I'm here and he's there.

but. if he ever feels like coming here or I end up visiting Colorado again soon...

ugh. too much.

I wonder if he ever thinks about me and the interactions we used to have or if that's all in my head and he thinks I was a stupid ditz. my friends think I have nothing to lose by talking to him again, but I DO. I have my dignity. I would feel really lame and desperate if I said hi to him and he responded with "ummm, why are you trying to be my friend now? after like, three years??" or he didn't respond at all!! that would be the worst :( I guess that's what I'm most afraid of.

but then there's also the possibility that he'll be really happy about it. I used to think he had feelings for me, though I don't know why, but I never knew how to flirt or make it into something. what if he wants to get closer and talk more often and maybe eventually come visit? or have me visit... that's scary too.

I don't want to write about this anymore, so I'm gonna share my newest discovery.

CocoRosie. a band of two sisters that sounds like little girls singing made up songs to an electronic back-beat. I love it. I feel like I used to hear their music a lot in college and just didn't know who they were.. so now I do and I'm having fun :)

Noah's Ark