Melancholy

ooookaaayyyy..

I haven't even logged into my blog in more than four months, so it's a little all over the place. I'm not going to get rid of my old ones, but I am going to start writing some more (at least I think). those of you who are actually reading this are probably my facebook friends or some random blogger who thought I looked interesting. guess what? I'm NOT. haha. no, actually I am. well... I'll let you decide for yourself.

the mood is melancholy- according to dictionary.com it could mean an assortment of things. sadness, depression, irritability, gloomy, pensive, a combination of all of those...
lately I've been feeling like nothing matters. I care about how I look or sound at this exact point in time, but everything else isn't really sinking in. the future: what's the future gonna hold for me? who knows? (so I don't really worry about it too much) the past: MY past is a bunch of sad memories and people who I can barely even remember. my school life is centered around humanity's past though, and I'm learning as much as I can from that.
I can't seem to figure things out. I mean, people. I can't seem to figure people out. everywhere I go it's different personality types and different ways of dealing with things. I just haven't gotten the hang of THIS place yet, I guess. maybe I should stop trying to figure people out and just work on liking them for the way they are. sometimes I just wish someone would say, "it's because I'm confused." or "I don't like you, go away." or "talk to me some more because I can't decide whether I like this or not." I'm sure I make no sense.
everyone always says they like how "open" I am. or they admire my honesty, or my ability to say what I want to say. it's not hard! everyone should do it. we'd all be a lot better off.