Apr 25, 2007
can't
I can't get my work done. I'm starting to not care. I should probably head home now and I haven't even written a whole page since 1:00. I hate school. just when I start to LIKE it, things happen to make me not like it, and then I hate it again. what is one to do. done.
Apr 23, 2007
un.inspired
blah. that's all I've got. things are sucking lately. I don't do anything, barely talk to anyone (but when I do talk to people, I regret it).. I guess I could change these things, but that takes motivation.
still working on the stupid spain and portugal paper that's due friday. the end of the semester is near and I have a million things to work on. but I'm sure everyone else does too. I can't remember why I was going to write a blog in the first place..
it'll come back to me.
oh, I hate my stupid regretful, indecisive nature! (duh) I will debate and conflict with myself over the tiniest, most trivial thing, and then if I do it, I feel like a dumb ass. but if I don't do it, I feel stupid for not taking a chance. what's wrong with me?
then: PEOPLE. I can't get over it. don't say I'm cool and that we should hang out, blah blah blah, and that we're FRIENDS and then completely ignore me. I just want to know if I'm wanted or not. :(
still working on the stupid spain and portugal paper that's due friday. the end of the semester is near and I have a million things to work on. but I'm sure everyone else does too. I can't remember why I was going to write a blog in the first place..
it'll come back to me.
oh, I hate my stupid regretful, indecisive nature! (duh) I will debate and conflict with myself over the tiniest, most trivial thing, and then if I do it, I feel like a dumb ass. but if I don't do it, I feel stupid for not taking a chance. what's wrong with me?
then: PEOPLE. I can't get over it. don't say I'm cool and that we should hang out, blah blah blah, and that we're FRIENDS and then completely ignore me. I just want to know if I'm wanted or not. :(
Apr 19, 2007
thursday
I'm starting to like thursdays a bit more than I used to. it's hard to explain. something about the next day being friday and then thursdays are usually more eventful than other days (even if it's not very positive eventfulness)...
today, on the plaza, they have polynesian stuff going on. food and dancing and music. I feel like I'm back in Hawaii. :) and I like how not many other people here really know what it's like to go to school in Hawaii and to see that stuff all the time. so for me it's nostalgia, for them it's something strange and intriguing. it does make me miss da island a little bit, and it's helping to brighten my mood (along with the weather). yay for spring, finally.
k, so I go to myspace to log in and the person who was on here before me's name was on there (if you know, then you know) and it said, "Hi, superman". haha. cracked me up. I'm so addicted to updating my stupid profiles on facebook and myspace. I don't even use them to stalk people anymore (I know, what's wrong with me?) I just think of ways I can change my look, or music, or what new things I can write about myself. I'm soooo lame! gosh. talking about this crap.
I am lacking things to do this weekend. (alright, strike that. I'm lacking PEOPLE to do things with this weekend) I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to have a reason to get up in the mornings and get dressed to go out. I have a feeling that all I'll worry about is school work and I probably won't even get anything done, like usual. :( right now I have an hour to waste in the library.. maybe I'll stumble across something interesting on the internet?
today, on the plaza, they have polynesian stuff going on. food and dancing and music. I feel like I'm back in Hawaii. :) and I like how not many other people here really know what it's like to go to school in Hawaii and to see that stuff all the time. so for me it's nostalgia, for them it's something strange and intriguing. it does make me miss da island a little bit, and it's helping to brighten my mood (along with the weather). yay for spring, finally.
k, so I go to myspace to log in and the person who was on here before me's name was on there (if you know, then you know) and it said, "Hi, superman". haha. cracked me up. I'm so addicted to updating my stupid profiles on facebook and myspace. I don't even use them to stalk people anymore (I know, what's wrong with me?) I just think of ways I can change my look, or music, or what new things I can write about myself. I'm soooo lame! gosh. talking about this crap.
I am lacking things to do this weekend. (alright, strike that. I'm lacking PEOPLE to do things with this weekend) I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to have a reason to get up in the mornings and get dressed to go out. I have a feeling that all I'll worry about is school work and I probably won't even get anything done, like usual. :( right now I have an hour to waste in the library.. maybe I'll stumble across something interesting on the internet?
Apr 18, 2007
slacking
I don't want to do anything that I should do. (surprise, surprise) I have a research paper I should be working on. I should do some job searching. I should be patient. I should go home and eat instead of sitting in the library at this computer. my stomach is about to eat itself. I should call my dad and tell him I need money instead of copping out and writing a dumb email. I should study french. I should do french homework! actually, I think I will while I'm here. where was I? I should call people on the phone, period. I never do that. facebook rules our lives.
Apr 17, 2007
I'm excited
things I'm looking forward to (in no specific order):
graduation (even though I'm not graduating, I'm excited for those who are)
summer classes (no, really)
Across the Universe (look it up!!)
having a job and having MONEY (for obvious reasons)
a steady friend (or more than friend)
end of the year festivities (which have kind of already started)
Lindsay's wedding (if I can afford to go.. that is)
visiting my dad (Vegas, new pad, kitty)
311 in August! (I MIGHT see them..)
I might be updating this list from time to time. (check back)
;)
graduation (even though I'm not graduating, I'm excited for those who are)
summer classes (no, really)
Across the Universe (look it up!!)
having a job and having MONEY (for obvious reasons)
a steady friend (or more than friend)
end of the year festivities (which have kind of already started)
Lindsay's wedding (if I can afford to go.. that is)
visiting my dad (Vegas, new pad, kitty)
311 in August! (I MIGHT see them..)
I might be updating this list from time to time. (check back)
;)
umbrella(s)
oh boy. so yesterday was a mess. 30-something people died because a crazed genius with a gun was mad. makes you happy to be living in this world, huh? all I have to say is they didn't deserve it. I didn't know any of the victims personally, but I'm sure they didn't deserve it.
there also was a free Common concert on campus last night. :] that was cool. except it started a couple hours later than it was supposed to-- lame. we got rained on. haha, I couldn't help but smile at the few random umbrellas that I saw. rain+hip hop equals happiness.
speaking of umbrellas.. I've been searching google for a good picture of someone with an umbrella, particularly in a cloudy/rainy setting, but all I'm finding are goofy pictures of George Bush holding an inside-out black umbrella. ? silly Bush. AND there was a picture in the midst of that with a guy sitting behind an umbrella with the words "bush kills children" painted on it. I know, right? haha.
the search continues. I have no idea why I'm looking for this particular picture, but I NEED it.
I have a quiz in my class in half an hour over this book that I never even acquired. gonna have some problems.. luckily it's multiple choice. O.O
there also was a free Common concert on campus last night. :] that was cool. except it started a couple hours later than it was supposed to-- lame. we got rained on. haha, I couldn't help but smile at the few random umbrellas that I saw. rain+hip hop equals happiness.
speaking of umbrellas.. I've been searching google for a good picture of someone with an umbrella, particularly in a cloudy/rainy setting, but all I'm finding are goofy pictures of George Bush holding an inside-out black umbrella. ? silly Bush. AND there was a picture in the midst of that with a guy sitting behind an umbrella with the words "bush kills children" painted on it. I know, right? haha.
the search continues. I have no idea why I'm looking for this particular picture, but I NEED it.
I have a quiz in my class in half an hour over this book that I never even acquired. gonna have some problems.. luckily it's multiple choice. O.O
Apr 13, 2007
I was lied to
I thought there was going to be some ground-breaking epic of a snowstorm last night and there wasn't. not that I wanted it, but still.
and I just realized it's friday the 13th and I've been under the impression that it's the 12th!! bah.
I think that explains it then. the weather's freaky because of the date. or just because it's a retarded state in terms of weather predictability period.
I also think that I'm suffering from some kind of depression/dementia. I woke up angry. I mean ANGRY, for no reason at all other than that I HAD to get up. I hope I didn't ruin my roommate's sleep due to my banging stuff and groaning with annoyance at nothing at all. (though this morning, when I was mad, I wouldn't have given a rat's ass if she was disturbed) then, when I got into my french class after being shot with some cold wind and un-comfort from the way people were looking at me (or not looking at me), I felt extremely giddy. everyone else was bummed about the weather so that gave me an excuse to be controversial and say things like, "cheer up, it's friday!" and "at least it didn't snow" when I wasn't even thinking those things. haha, I'm so weird lately! everything was making me laugh though. and no one else was laughing at the things that I was laughing at, so then that made me laugh at the fact that I was the only one laughing. man.
oh, also. I was under the impression that a certain person might have somewhat been interested in getting to know me better, but it seems more like I'm bugging the heck out of him, so I've decided to stop pursuing that venture. in case anyone was wondering.
and I just realized it's friday the 13th and I've been under the impression that it's the 12th!! bah.
I think that explains it then. the weather's freaky because of the date. or just because it's a retarded state in terms of weather predictability period.
I also think that I'm suffering from some kind of depression/dementia. I woke up angry. I mean ANGRY, for no reason at all other than that I HAD to get up. I hope I didn't ruin my roommate's sleep due to my banging stuff and groaning with annoyance at nothing at all. (though this morning, when I was mad, I wouldn't have given a rat's ass if she was disturbed) then, when I got into my french class after being shot with some cold wind and un-comfort from the way people were looking at me (or not looking at me), I felt extremely giddy. everyone else was bummed about the weather so that gave me an excuse to be controversial and say things like, "cheer up, it's friday!" and "at least it didn't snow" when I wasn't even thinking those things. haha, I'm so weird lately! everything was making me laugh though. and no one else was laughing at the things that I was laughing at, so then that made me laugh at the fact that I was the only one laughing. man.
oh, also. I was under the impression that a certain person might have somewhat been interested in getting to know me better, but it seems more like I'm bugging the heck out of him, so I've decided to stop pursuing that venture. in case anyone was wondering.
Apr 12, 2007
Melancholy
ooookaaayyyy..
I haven't even logged into my blog in more than four months, so it's a little all over the place. I'm not going to get rid of my old ones, but I am going to start writing some more (at least I think). those of you who are actually reading this are probably my facebook friends or some random blogger who thought I looked interesting. guess what? I'm NOT. haha. no, actually I am. well... I'll let you decide for yourself.
the mood is melancholy- according to dictionary.com it could mean an assortment of things. sadness, depression, irritability, gloomy, pensive, a combination of all of those...
lately I've been feeling like nothing matters. I care about how I look or sound at this exact point in time, but everything else isn't really sinking in. the future: what's the future gonna hold for me? who knows? (so I don't really worry about it too much) the past: MY past is a bunch of sad memories and people who I can barely even remember. my school life is centered around humanity's past though, and I'm learning as much as I can from that.
I can't seem to figure things out. I mean, people. I can't seem to figure people out. everywhere I go it's different personality types and different ways of dealing with things. I just haven't gotten the hang of THIS place yet, I guess. maybe I should stop trying to figure people out and just work on liking them for the way they are. sometimes I just wish someone would say, "it's because I'm confused." or "I don't like you, go away." or "talk to me some more because I can't decide whether I like this or not." I'm sure I make no sense.
everyone always says they like how "open" I am. or they admire my honesty, or my ability to say what I want to say. it's not hard! everyone should do it. we'd all be a lot better off.
I haven't even logged into my blog in more than four months, so it's a little all over the place. I'm not going to get rid of my old ones, but I am going to start writing some more (at least I think). those of you who are actually reading this are probably my facebook friends or some random blogger who thought I looked interesting. guess what? I'm NOT. haha. no, actually I am. well... I'll let you decide for yourself.
the mood is melancholy- according to dictionary.com it could mean an assortment of things. sadness, depression, irritability, gloomy, pensive, a combination of all of those...
lately I've been feeling like nothing matters. I care about how I look or sound at this exact point in time, but everything else isn't really sinking in. the future: what's the future gonna hold for me? who knows? (so I don't really worry about it too much) the past: MY past is a bunch of sad memories and people who I can barely even remember. my school life is centered around humanity's past though, and I'm learning as much as I can from that.
I can't seem to figure things out. I mean, people. I can't seem to figure people out. everywhere I go it's different personality types and different ways of dealing with things. I just haven't gotten the hang of THIS place yet, I guess. maybe I should stop trying to figure people out and just work on liking them for the way they are. sometimes I just wish someone would say, "it's because I'm confused." or "I don't like you, go away." or "talk to me some more because I can't decide whether I like this or not." I'm sure I make no sense.
everyone always says they like how "open" I am. or they admire my honesty, or my ability to say what I want to say. it's not hard! everyone should do it. we'd all be a lot better off.
Sep 30, 2006
WASPS
so, apparently fall brings wasps.
me and my roommate were noticing that we haven't seen too many bugs around our condo (thankfully) besides house flies. then out of nowhere, the other day there's a wasp in our living room. a WASP!!? it was strange. but luckily it wasn't much of a menace, it just walked around the top of our window and hung out. my roommate eventually trapped it in some tupperware and transported it back outside. (she's braver than me. spiders I can handle, wasps have wings) so it was all good. maybe.
today.. we get another one. a BIG one. and it's not just hanging out on the window. this thing was zooming around our condo, bumping into things, making that little buzzing sound.. bah. I kinda hid in my room as Megan waited around for a good chance to close in on it, and then I heard her call me to open the door for her. man. these things are everywhere! I don't get it. and we can't leave any of our windows open because almost all of the screens have holes in them. I won't be surprised if we find an actual nest in here one day.
me and my roommate were noticing that we haven't seen too many bugs around our condo (thankfully) besides house flies. then out of nowhere, the other day there's a wasp in our living room. a WASP!!? it was strange. but luckily it wasn't much of a menace, it just walked around the top of our window and hung out. my roommate eventually trapped it in some tupperware and transported it back outside. (she's braver than me. spiders I can handle, wasps have wings) so it was all good. maybe.
today.. we get another one. a BIG one. and it's not just hanging out on the window. this thing was zooming around our condo, bumping into things, making that little buzzing sound.. bah. I kinda hid in my room as Megan waited around for a good chance to close in on it, and then I heard her call me to open the door for her. man. these things are everywhere! I don't get it. and we can't leave any of our windows open because almost all of the screens have holes in them. I won't be surprised if we find an actual nest in here one day.
Sep 28, 2006
holy shit, it's almost October!
I think that all-nighter the other night messed up my sleep habits. I got at least 7 hours of sleep last night, yet I feel like I've only gotten 2. it sucks. especially when I have to get up and finish shit for class, and then GO to class. ugh. I want it to be Thanksgiving break already. actually, no, I want it to be the day after I graduate already. I've got so much more school to do, it's sickening.
so, I think fall is officially upon us. it's weird because last year, fall was no big deal. the weather didn't feel any different. I couldn't go home for random weekend visits and play in leaves... being in Colorado has changed alot of things already. I do miss Hawaii though. it feels like a huge dream that I had. if it weren't for my friends who are still there, I would think that I imagined the whole thing.
so, I think fall is officially upon us. it's weird because last year, fall was no big deal. the weather didn't feel any different. I couldn't go home for random weekend visits and play in leaves... being in Colorado has changed alot of things already. I do miss Hawaii though. it feels like a huge dream that I had. if it weren't for my friends who are still there, I would think that I imagined the whole thing.
Sep 26, 2006
john lennon & mellowcreme pumpkins
it's 3:35 am. I'm in the process of writing a paper that's due at 9:30 am. I've been working on this thing almost all day (well, yesterday) and I'm not even halfway done. how's that for procrastination?
it's freezing in our condo right now. I'm wearing a sweatshirt, sweatpants and my heavy winter coat, and I'm still cold. I think maybe my body is just slowing down because I'm so tired. whatever it is, it's not good. I'm starting to lose the little concentration that I had and the caffeine doesn't seem to be working.
I have to admit- I was a little excited about pulling an all nighter. I've never stayed up this long getting a homework assignment done... I don't think. I just wish I was more motivated to actually FINISH MY PAPER and not slack off with the seemingly endless amount of time that I gave myself by not sleeping. fuuuuccckkkk. I hate school. I will probably say it as long as I'm in it. I HATE SCHOOL! why am I here? blah. alright, that's all.
it's freezing in our condo right now. I'm wearing a sweatshirt, sweatpants and my heavy winter coat, and I'm still cold. I think maybe my body is just slowing down because I'm so tired. whatever it is, it's not good. I'm starting to lose the little concentration that I had and the caffeine doesn't seem to be working.
I have to admit- I was a little excited about pulling an all nighter. I've never stayed up this long getting a homework assignment done... I don't think. I just wish I was more motivated to actually FINISH MY PAPER and not slack off with the seemingly endless amount of time that I gave myself by not sleeping. fuuuuccckkkk. I hate school. I will probably say it as long as I'm in it. I HATE SCHOOL! why am I here? blah. alright, that's all.
May 13, 2006
friday.. again
last day of finals. YESSS. I really cannot wait to go home now. although, I wish I could take Hawaii back with me. I'm bummed because no one from home has seen me here. and now they probably never will. :( and I know that as soon as I get in the air I'm going to miss the beach... ah well.
so... I haven't written in a week. what's been going on?? ... went to the movies last weekend and saw Take the Lead, bought a new shirt and some flip flops, got to hang out with people I don't normally do stuff with (which was a great change). monday I had a test. tuesday I had a paper due that I barely finished :/ (surprise surprise) and then I went to Waikiki and laid in the sun for about three hours, then went to Ala Moana (but the part of Ala Moana that I don't usually see). wednesday, nothing. I packed a little, but that's pretty much it. yesterday (thursday), talked to my mom about five times, talked to my dad, started my paper that was due today, stressed out just a tad. that brings us to today: woke up, went to my last "breakfast" worked on my paper pretty much the entire first half of the day, turned it in (I have a feeling I kinda fucked it up), then met up with my friend from world civ and studied for that exam, which I had tonight... and that's it. now here I am. bringing my packing to a close (pretty much). tomorrow I'm going to hang out with Christa, who I barely ever see, and I plan on having a really goooood time. ;) ugh, then sunday I leave. I have two days to finish up Hawaii. wish me luck.
so... I haven't written in a week. what's been going on?? ... went to the movies last weekend and saw Take the Lead, bought a new shirt and some flip flops, got to hang out with people I don't normally do stuff with (which was a great change). monday I had a test. tuesday I had a paper due that I barely finished :/ (surprise surprise) and then I went to Waikiki and laid in the sun for about three hours, then went to Ala Moana (but the part of Ala Moana that I don't usually see). wednesday, nothing. I packed a little, but that's pretty much it. yesterday (thursday), talked to my mom about five times, talked to my dad, started my paper that was due today, stressed out just a tad. that brings us to today: woke up, went to my last "breakfast" worked on my paper pretty much the entire first half of the day, turned it in (I have a feeling I kinda fucked it up), then met up with my friend from world civ and studied for that exam, which I had tonight... and that's it. now here I am. bringing my packing to a close (pretty much). tomorrow I'm going to hang out with Christa, who I barely ever see, and I plan on having a really goooood time. ;) ugh, then sunday I leave. I have two days to finish up Hawaii. wish me luck.
May 6, 2006
friday
last day of actual classes at HPU, probably forever! it's weird how fast this year went by. but then again, I say that about every school year. next week is finals. THAT'S scary. :/ I have about three essays to do and two and a half tests to study for. not to mention I have to finish a couple novels so that I can WRITE the essays. ugh. and on top of that, my flight home is next sunday so I have until then to get all of my shit together and send stuff home/clean my room/prepare to leave Hawaii. I really want to be tan when I go back too... soooo much to accomplish in so little time. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I have a feeling I'm not gonna be able to renew my military ID until after I get home. oh well. my dad's not gonna like that very much, but you know what? it's my decision. I don't know if I'll be able to get into the USO in the airport with an expired ID, but hopefully the gods will be on my side and all will go smoothly. ;) haha, who am I kidding. I don't believe in gods or God or anything. psh. I really want to go to bed but I just took a shower and I have to wait for my hair to dry at least most of the way. I'm sure whoever's reading this is SO interested.
May 4, 2006
thursday
yeah... so I'm sitting at my desk, wondering what I should be doing right now. I have a list of about ten things to get done, but I don't know which one to start with. I've gotten some stuff out and thrown it all on my bed around some boxes, so maybe I'll attempt packing. :/ I'm hungry. I didn't go to lunch today because I got home kinda late and when I did get here, I wasn't hungry. but now lunch is over and I'm hungry. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I don't have any food. I don't have any money. I have reading to do, packing to start, and a buttload of finals crap to think about. my head... is going... to explode. maybe I should try to sleep. usually when I do that it helps get my mind off of things. ... but my bed is covered in crap.. UGH. I guess I gotta put some stuff in some boxes and make room for my body to fit on my bed. I want to talk to someone right now. damn Hawaii.
May 2, 2006
tuesday
alright I've given up on everyday. I'll just try to write whenever.
the island tour was fun. we didn't get to do everything that was planned because of restaurant reservations, but I'm glad I went. got lots of neat pictures and got to spend time with people who I don't usually see anymore. it made me sad though. after finals I might never see these people again. it's weird, you know. college kind of de-sensitizes people to losing friends. at first it hits kind of hard and you don't know how to deal with it. but then it gets easier as it happens twice and maybe a third time, and soon it's like a normal occurance. losing friends. I wish I could say it still bothered me... I'm definitely going to miss everyone though.
oh man. next week is finals. I have less than two weeks until I fly home. I have so much to do! I still have to read two and a half books and take tests and write papers and pack up some stuff to send home and apply to CSU and figure out what the fuck I'm going to do without Hawaii. it's really gonna suck not being able to just get up and go to the beach whenever I feel the urge. :(
p.s. I barely got that six page paper done. hopefully my teacher doesn't flunk me.
the island tour was fun. we didn't get to do everything that was planned because of restaurant reservations, but I'm glad I went. got lots of neat pictures and got to spend time with people who I don't usually see anymore. it made me sad though. after finals I might never see these people again. it's weird, you know. college kind of de-sensitizes people to losing friends. at first it hits kind of hard and you don't know how to deal with it. but then it gets easier as it happens twice and maybe a third time, and soon it's like a normal occurance. losing friends. I wish I could say it still bothered me... I'm definitely going to miss everyone though.
oh man. next week is finals. I have less than two weeks until I fly home. I have so much to do! I still have to read two and a half books and take tests and write papers and pack up some stuff to send home and apply to CSU and figure out what the fuck I'm going to do without Hawaii. it's really gonna suck not being able to just get up and go to the beach whenever I feel the urge. :(
p.s. I barely got that six page paper done. hopefully my teacher doesn't flunk me.
Apr 30, 2006
sunday
whoops. so much for the "every day" thing. I'm so bad at this. well... it's the end of the week and I've procrastinated doing a paper. six pages due tomorrow. normally this wouldn't be such a bad thing, considering I have a whole day until then, but on this particular day there is a tour of the island that I signed up for and a free meal is included, so I'd prefer to go on that. I haven't really seen "all" of the island yet, so I'm looking forward to it. hopefully it's as promising as it sounds. this past week kind of flew by... wow. all of my classes are wrapping up and it feels like we just got started. I have all kinds of stuff to do before the semester is over. I don't know if I'll be able to get it all done or not. :/ bah. I just want to be HOME already. I just got off the phone with my mom, and she rubs in that they're having scrambled eggs and peppered bacon with donuts for breakfast. thanks mom! I get to go to the cafeteria and hope that what I'm eating doesn't eat away at the lining of my intestines. I would kill for some home-made scrambled eggs and fresh safeway donuts right now. damnit. guess I'll settle for cereal and toast for another two weeks.
Apr 25, 2006
monday
okay, so the semester is winding down and I realized that I barely ever write blog entries in this thing, so I'm gonna try to write a blog every day or so until school is out and list out each day's events. shouldn't be too hard since I usually am lacking things to do. my life is boring, I have to warn you. whoever is reading this, don't expect anything earth shatteringly exciting. :/
anyways. today I went to one of my classes and skipped the other. (not in that order) in my history class we discussed this book that we're reading (Coming of Age in Mississippi) and it seems like alot of the people in my class know more about dressing well and partying than they do about matters of the world, or history. (not that it's a bad thing. some of us have to look better than others) pretty pathetic, but I'm sure someone's said that about me before... after class, I came back to my room and parked on my bed. then after a while I brought some pictures to my friend Mike from this seal census thing we did. he told me a very interesting bit of info. **IF YOU DON'T READ ANY OTHER PART OF THIS BLOG, AT LEAST READ THIS** apparently the company that supplies food to our cafeteria puts chemicals into the food that are supposed to fill us up faster, but these ingredients have a side effect of eating away intestines. yay! no more cafeteria cooking for me, thanks. I decide to only eat the raw vegetables and cereal from now on. maybe bread... then, I came back to my room, chilled on the bed some more (on and off) and started browsing itunes for songs with the name Sarah in them. after my roommate had evacuated the room, I jumped up and started dancing around like a retard. pretending I could do ballet. ha. made some tea, talked to some people online... what else did I do? dude, I can't remember! this always happens to me. I did some sit-ups... and listened to more music, danced some more... pretty much until my roommate returned. (can't dance in front of people unless: a.I'm completely comfortable with them, b.I'm somewhere where everyone is dancing, or c.I'm drunk :/) after a while I realized that it was getting close to dinner time, but I wasn't planning on going to eat until the very end of dinner, like usual. I talked to my friends online for a while, then went to eat some broccoli, carrots, & garbonzo beans, with peanut butter on bread for dessert. came back, got back to talking with Steph until she went to bed. then I was being nosy and looking at random people who go to my school's myspace and facebook profiles. (this is how uncool I am) eventually I led myself to my own blog and decided that I should do this... yup. and here I am. I put my itunes library on shuffle and just let it roll... until my eyelids are too heavy to hold open any longer. (I think that will be soon)
I promise the next entry won't be quite so long. I blame my sleepyness. peace <3
anyways. today I went to one of my classes and skipped the other. (not in that order) in my history class we discussed this book that we're reading (Coming of Age in Mississippi) and it seems like alot of the people in my class know more about dressing well and partying than they do about matters of the world, or history. (not that it's a bad thing. some of us have to look better than others) pretty pathetic, but I'm sure someone's said that about me before... after class, I came back to my room and parked on my bed. then after a while I brought some pictures to my friend Mike from this seal census thing we did. he told me a very interesting bit of info. **IF YOU DON'T READ ANY OTHER PART OF THIS BLOG, AT LEAST READ THIS** apparently the company that supplies food to our cafeteria puts chemicals into the food that are supposed to fill us up faster, but these ingredients have a side effect of eating away intestines. yay! no more cafeteria cooking for me, thanks. I decide to only eat the raw vegetables and cereal from now on. maybe bread... then, I came back to my room, chilled on the bed some more (on and off) and started browsing itunes for songs with the name Sarah in them. after my roommate had evacuated the room, I jumped up and started dancing around like a retard. pretending I could do ballet. ha. made some tea, talked to some people online... what else did I do? dude, I can't remember! this always happens to me. I did some sit-ups... and listened to more music, danced some more... pretty much until my roommate returned. (can't dance in front of people unless: a.I'm completely comfortable with them, b.I'm somewhere where everyone is dancing, or c.I'm drunk :/) after a while I realized that it was getting close to dinner time, but I wasn't planning on going to eat until the very end of dinner, like usual. I talked to my friends online for a while, then went to eat some broccoli, carrots, & garbonzo beans, with peanut butter on bread for dessert. came back, got back to talking with Steph until she went to bed. then I was being nosy and looking at random people who go to my school's myspace and facebook profiles. (this is how uncool I am) eventually I led myself to my own blog and decided that I should do this... yup. and here I am. I put my itunes library on shuffle and just let it roll... until my eyelids are too heavy to hold open any longer. (I think that will be soon)
I promise the next entry won't be quite so long. I blame my sleepyness. peace <3
Apr 9, 2006
metal
spoon. eat. fat. hippo. zoo. animals. furry. shave. legs. long. drive. car. speed. kills. death. black. book. read. words. letters. envelopes. stamps. ink. pen. notes. love. heart. blood. red. suitcase. pack. travel. home. :(. frown. sad. clown. circus. elephant. grey. silver. metal.
I do this sometimes when I'm bored. start with a word, then whichever word comes to mind from that word, and write it all down. keep going until you come back to the word you started with. it's really easy, and it helps me clear my head.
I do this sometimes when I'm bored. start with a word, then whichever word comes to mind from that word, and write it all down. keep going until you come back to the word you started with. it's really easy, and it helps me clear my head.
Mar 20, 2006
shit
that's how I feel right now. shitty. I can't really go into detail but this guy that I know is in constant turmoil with his insides and he doesn't seem to do anything to help it. It's as if he LIKES being depressed. it's fucked up!! I don't know what to do about it because when I talk to him I feel like I'm being annoying. he always says I'm not annoying him at all, but he doesn't talk to me, unless I talk to him... most of the time. UGH, it's so obnoxious. and I think we're friends. so I can't just NOT talk to him. but I feel like I shouldn't talk to him because I'm getting my hopes up?????? he's constantly hinting about having feelings for someone. I don't want to think it's me. in fact, I'm almost certain that they never are feelings for me. I'm not "odd" enough for him. but the fact that he hints around, and lets me (and other people) see what he's trying to express just demands attention and lets my thoughts wander. but I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I could be honest with him. I always am honest with him, I just keep some stuff inside. I guess this is exactly what he's doing.... hinting around that he feels something, but not coming right out and telling the person WHAT he feels and HOW he feels and WHY...
I'm so bothered by this. I want to know what the fuck he's talking about. enough with the vagueness. if he wants something to happen, he's going to have to initiate something. be brave!! and DO SOMETHING about it if you want things to change. I don't even care any more if he has feelings for me, whether they be friendly or otherwise, I just want to know what he's trying to say and who he's trying to say it to. I can't handle the mystery and I don't want to ask him too much and risk sounding meddling and nosy, though I think I might just explode one day and drill him with thousands of random questions, without caring what he thinks of me or how comfortable I'm making him. this has gone on long enough, damnit. I'm pissed. and I'm sick of it.
I'm so bothered by this. I want to know what the fuck he's talking about. enough with the vagueness. if he wants something to happen, he's going to have to initiate something. be brave!! and DO SOMETHING about it if you want things to change. I don't even care any more if he has feelings for me, whether they be friendly or otherwise, I just want to know what he's trying to say and who he's trying to say it to. I can't handle the mystery and I don't want to ask him too much and risk sounding meddling and nosy, though I think I might just explode one day and drill him with thousands of random questions, without caring what he thinks of me or how comfortable I'm making him. this has gone on long enough, damnit. I'm pissed. and I'm sick of it.
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