and I know I don't need to write so freakin much, but this guy (cute guy, I might add) just walked in, sat at a computer and is playing solitaire. the library closes in an hour, and he just got here, and he's playing solitaire...
that's all.
May 31, 2007
paranoia
man. I don't know what's going on. my day started out okay. I had some goofy horoscope about how wonderful things were going to happen.. then it was all downhill after that. evil horoscope.
my car is freaking out on me. I went to start it this morning and it took a couple tries before it would rev up okay. then when it did, the radio locked itself and there were beeps coming at me from every direction (audis have the weirdest safety features). the first thing I thought was.. maybe I should have taken the bus and this is karma yelling at me to be considerate of the environment. though it got me to campus okay. but then AFTER school it seemed even worse. it was taking forever to start and things were flashing and I was dreading having to call my dad and tell him I broke his car. but, once again, it drove fine. it seemed like it was just spazzing out when I tried to get it to start so I figured it was the battery. (though there were no warnings flying at me about the frickin battery.. )
the weirdest thing happened after I had gotten home and eaten some food and then left to head back to school. I turn the ignition- "rrrrhhgrrrrhgrrr..." nothing. uh oh. turn it off, try it again- "rrrhhggggghhh" barely starts. the radio's locked, but no beeps, and my automatic all the way down window feature doesn't work. (usually, you can just tap it down and the window lowers all the way) the weirdest thing was.. my gas gauge was showing that I had more gas in it than I did when I left this morning. but just like before, it drove like it always does after I got it started. so I'm driving and I call my mom to tell her about it. she gives me all these tidbits: "if the gas reader is messed up that's not a good sign." (I know) "make sure you keep your windows rolled up because if the battery dies and they're still down and it starts raining, you're screwed." (yeah) "when you get to school, if it gets you to school, turn it off, then start it up again and see what it does." (okay) so I get to the parking lot, after a very tense drive there, turn it off, say a couple nice words to it, and start it again, expecting the worst. the thing starts perfectly! not even a hint of trying. and the gas gauge still says I have more gas than I thought. I don't know what's going on!!! my car is possessed. and I have no idea what to expect now, which is horrible.
in other news, it was a nice day today and I was worried all day that it wouldn't be. my schoolwork isn't half as demanding as I was making myself think it was. and people aren't nearly as bad as I've been believing they are (at least most of them).
a life lived in fear is a life half lived?
my car is freaking out on me. I went to start it this morning and it took a couple tries before it would rev up okay. then when it did, the radio locked itself and there were beeps coming at me from every direction (audis have the weirdest safety features). the first thing I thought was.. maybe I should have taken the bus and this is karma yelling at me to be considerate of the environment. though it got me to campus okay. but then AFTER school it seemed even worse. it was taking forever to start and things were flashing and I was dreading having to call my dad and tell him I broke his car. but, once again, it drove fine. it seemed like it was just spazzing out when I tried to get it to start so I figured it was the battery. (though there were no warnings flying at me about the frickin battery.. )
the weirdest thing happened after I had gotten home and eaten some food and then left to head back to school. I turn the ignition- "rrrrhhgrrrrhgrrr..." nothing. uh oh. turn it off, try it again- "rrrhhggggghhh" barely starts. the radio's locked, but no beeps, and my automatic all the way down window feature doesn't work. (usually, you can just tap it down and the window lowers all the way) the weirdest thing was.. my gas gauge was showing that I had more gas in it than I did when I left this morning. but just like before, it drove like it always does after I got it started. so I'm driving and I call my mom to tell her about it. she gives me all these tidbits: "if the gas reader is messed up that's not a good sign." (I know) "make sure you keep your windows rolled up because if the battery dies and they're still down and it starts raining, you're screwed." (yeah) "when you get to school, if it gets you to school, turn it off, then start it up again and see what it does." (okay) so I get to the parking lot, after a very tense drive there, turn it off, say a couple nice words to it, and start it again, expecting the worst. the thing starts perfectly! not even a hint of trying. and the gas gauge still says I have more gas than I thought. I don't know what's going on!!! my car is possessed. and I have no idea what to expect now, which is horrible.
in other news, it was a nice day today and I was worried all day that it wouldn't be. my schoolwork isn't half as demanding as I was making myself think it was. and people aren't nearly as bad as I've been believing they are (at least most of them).
a life lived in fear is a life half lived?
May 30, 2007
:/
blah. summer school sucks. I always get like this.. I like learning. no problem. medieval England is fricking interesting. I just hate having to turn in assignments and participate in discussions and read things before a certain date. uck. not to mention even showing up to class is a pain.
today, in my class, someone brought in pizza for their lunch and the entire room smelled like pizza. I was about to go insane if I didn't get some pizza. AND some guy blocked my view of this other guy who I like to look at..
I can't get pizza out of my mind now, but I can't go buy any because I have no goddamn MONEY. (complain complain) now if I could just motivate myself to actually look for a job and stop waiting for one to fall into my lap.
I think I'm going to have to change something soon. either relating to me or to other people. this can't go on much longer.
today, in my class, someone brought in pizza for their lunch and the entire room smelled like pizza. I was about to go insane if I didn't get some pizza. AND some guy blocked my view of this other guy who I like to look at..
I can't get pizza out of my mind now, but I can't go buy any because I have no goddamn MONEY. (complain complain) now if I could just motivate myself to actually look for a job and stop waiting for one to fall into my lap.
I think I'm going to have to change something soon. either relating to me or to other people. this can't go on much longer.
May 15, 2007
May 14, 2007
and summer arrives..
ba ba baaa ba.
okay, so. first day of my first summer class. I like it. hopefully I'll learn lots. it's just weird because we have it everyday so I have to read like two books by next week and we have a paper due friday. :/ I will survive!
I was just looking at the checklist of requirements for my major so that I could figure out whether or not I need (or can use) certain other classes that are offered this summer.. and I realize that I don't need to take another french class! I've fulfilled my requirement. well, assuming I pass this semester that is. but it's weird. I'm actually slightly bummed that I don't HAVE to take any more french, because I don't think I'm gonna do it if I don't have to...
some of my friends are taking it again next semester and I was already excited to be in a class with them again. :( I'm such a doofus.
cRazYyy- I just looked outside and it's all cloudy and you can barely see the mountains. or maybe I'm losing my mind. I think I am. but it's also strangely cloudy.
I was thinking the other day (and today) about graduating. I kept feeling like I was behind because alot of people that I've grown up with graduated this semester and are moving on, but I've still got about a year to go. but THEN I thought, what does graduation mean besides you finished enough school to get a degree? I mean, yeah a degree is important and it opens a lot of doors for job opportunities, but it doesn't change who you are or how much you've accomplished. if I had graduated this semester, I would still be as big of a procrastinator and time waster as I am now. I still wouldn't have a job.. you know? it's like, I was seeing graduates as a higher class of individuals and now I'm realizing that nothing changes. or- it's another expected change that's normal to those who are in college. one day, we will all have degrees (unless we drop out, YEAH). I don't know where I'm going with this.
okay, so. first day of my first summer class. I like it. hopefully I'll learn lots. it's just weird because we have it everyday so I have to read like two books by next week and we have a paper due friday. :/ I will survive!
I was just looking at the checklist of requirements for my major so that I could figure out whether or not I need (or can use) certain other classes that are offered this summer.. and I realize that I don't need to take another french class! I've fulfilled my requirement. well, assuming I pass this semester that is. but it's weird. I'm actually slightly bummed that I don't HAVE to take any more french, because I don't think I'm gonna do it if I don't have to...
some of my friends are taking it again next semester and I was already excited to be in a class with them again. :( I'm such a doofus.
cRazYyy- I just looked outside and it's all cloudy and you can barely see the mountains. or maybe I'm losing my mind. I think I am. but it's also strangely cloudy.
I was thinking the other day (and today) about graduating. I kept feeling like I was behind because alot of people that I've grown up with graduated this semester and are moving on, but I've still got about a year to go. but THEN I thought, what does graduation mean besides you finished enough school to get a degree? I mean, yeah a degree is important and it opens a lot of doors for job opportunities, but it doesn't change who you are or how much you've accomplished. if I had graduated this semester, I would still be as big of a procrastinator and time waster as I am now. I still wouldn't have a job.. you know? it's like, I was seeing graduates as a higher class of individuals and now I'm realizing that nothing changes. or- it's another expected change that's normal to those who are in college. one day, we will all have degrees (unless we drop out, YEAH). I don't know where I'm going with this.
May 10, 2007
it hasn't really sunk in yet..
I'm DONE! with this semester at least.
my stress isn't quite released yet though, I can still feel it. I've been typing madly for the past hour and a half and my hands are still all full of adrenaline. plus it's super quiet in the library now that everyone's done studying and so my typing is sounding REALLY loud. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST TYPE IN ALL CAPS? THIS IS PRETTY MUCH HOW I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW.. haha
ugh. I hope my teacher accepts my paper. technically it was about five minutes late. plus it sucks. it's a sucky paper. he might take one look at it and go, "nope." but all I want is a C.
STRESS. man, I'm finally realizing all of these little things that have been side effects of the past few weeks. my posture is horrid right now, my right arm had a muscle spasm in it all day and my fricking eye has been spazzing out to the max for a few days now. my skin's a wreck, my legs are cramped from lack of stretching (I miss dance) and sitting in chairs. and I think my metabolism is on some stop and go, rush hour traffic thing. I'll eat a cup of cereal and a homemade burrito or two, and I feel like I've gained fifty pounds. but then I'll overload on carbs in the morning and by ten o'clock my stomach is eating itself. ? I'm always confused, maybe I should just leave it alone.
now. I am going home to eat, sleep, and be merry. hurray for summer.
my stress isn't quite released yet though, I can still feel it. I've been typing madly for the past hour and a half and my hands are still all full of adrenaline. plus it's super quiet in the library now that everyone's done studying and so my typing is sounding REALLY loud. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST TYPE IN ALL CAPS? THIS IS PRETTY MUCH HOW I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW.. haha
ugh. I hope my teacher accepts my paper. technically it was about five minutes late. plus it sucks. it's a sucky paper. he might take one look at it and go, "nope." but all I want is a C.
STRESS. man, I'm finally realizing all of these little things that have been side effects of the past few weeks. my posture is horrid right now, my right arm had a muscle spasm in it all day and my fricking eye has been spazzing out to the max for a few days now. my skin's a wreck, my legs are cramped from lack of stretching (I miss dance) and sitting in chairs. and I think my metabolism is on some stop and go, rush hour traffic thing. I'll eat a cup of cereal and a homemade burrito or two, and I feel like I've gained fifty pounds. but then I'll overload on carbs in the morning and by ten o'clock my stomach is eating itself. ? I'm always confused, maybe I should just leave it alone.
now. I am going home to eat, sleep, and be merry. hurray for summer.
May 9, 2007
happy?
I was soooo happy and smiley about half an hour ago, now I've sunk back into my disgruntled sleepiness. MOOD SWINGS!
I got an A on my history of Spain and Portugal term paper! I can't believe it. (actually, I can, but I had my hopes down) I never write as well as I can, or should.
but then I realized I had no one to share it with. I called my mom, no answer. none of my friends would care and besides I wouldn't call a friend just to brag about my A. that's not nice. mom would understand though. boo hoo I sound like a whiner. "I have no one to talk to. wahhh." which is why I write a blog...
that's just one thing that puts me into my sulky mood. two: certain people have been not talking to me lately, and I didn't think it would bother me that much but it IS bothering me. ugh.
three: I'm trying to get happy about the end of the semester (tomorrow- french final, paper due, dun) but that doesn't work either because as soon as tomorrow's over I'll have no reason to wake up in the mornings and no classmates to giggle with. I mean, I'll have a class starting again soon, but I have a feeling it's going to be one of those anti-social atmospheres. I could be wrong of course.
four: I know of lots of people who are having crazy end-of-semester parties, but do I get invited?? no. I'm not cool enough apparently. even though I'm a really good speller and I get super uninhibited/ridiculous when I'm drunk.
five: the weather's nice today. really nice. I just can't enjoy it because I'm going to have to spend my time at a computer writing my stupid paper! I COULD just study for french and type my paper later.. that way I could work outside.
guhh... I hate writing papers. it takes me way longer than it needs to because I always spend 75% of my time thinking or complaining about how much it sucks. I need to go home and sleep. I only got three and a half hours last night.
this band that I just discovered, The Horrors, is remarkably good. I didn't think I would be this into them. :]
man, I'm a rambling idiot. aallll over the place..
I got an A on my history of Spain and Portugal term paper! I can't believe it. (actually, I can, but I had my hopes down) I never write as well as I can, or should.
but then I realized I had no one to share it with. I called my mom, no answer. none of my friends would care and besides I wouldn't call a friend just to brag about my A. that's not nice. mom would understand though. boo hoo I sound like a whiner. "I have no one to talk to. wahhh." which is why I write a blog...
that's just one thing that puts me into my sulky mood. two: certain people have been not talking to me lately, and I didn't think it would bother me that much but it IS bothering me. ugh.
three: I'm trying to get happy about the end of the semester (tomorrow- french final, paper due, dun) but that doesn't work either because as soon as tomorrow's over I'll have no reason to wake up in the mornings and no classmates to giggle with. I mean, I'll have a class starting again soon, but I have a feeling it's going to be one of those anti-social atmospheres. I could be wrong of course.
four: I know of lots of people who are having crazy end-of-semester parties, but do I get invited?? no. I'm not cool enough apparently. even though I'm a really good speller and I get super uninhibited/ridiculous when I'm drunk.
five: the weather's nice today. really nice. I just can't enjoy it because I'm going to have to spend my time at a computer writing my stupid paper! I COULD just study for french and type my paper later.. that way I could work outside.
guhh... I hate writing papers. it takes me way longer than it needs to because I always spend 75% of my time thinking or complaining about how much it sucks. I need to go home and sleep. I only got three and a half hours last night.
this band that I just discovered, The Horrors, is remarkably good. I didn't think I would be this into them. :]
man, I'm a rambling idiot. aallll over the place..
May 8, 2007
revolution
I haven't done this in a while and the idea just popped into my head, so..
I pick a word to google cuz I'm curious to see what search results I'll get. today's pick was "revolution"and the first few websites were:
-the wikipedia definition (of course)
-a soccer team
-pet medication
-some music website
-computer software
-nintendo (?)
yeah, pretty much nothing on the first page about actual revolutions. isn't that bad? I'm slightly disappointed.
and I'm not studying. :(
I hate studying.
I hate school.
but I love music. and that's what I'm doing, looking up music.. and rambling. to a computer.
sigh.
I pick a word to google cuz I'm curious to see what search results I'll get. today's pick was "revolution"and the first few websites were:
-the wikipedia definition (of course)
-a soccer team
-pet medication
-some music website
-computer software
-nintendo (?)
yeah, pretty much nothing on the first page about actual revolutions. isn't that bad? I'm slightly disappointed.
and I'm not studying. :(
I hate studying.
I hate school.
but I love music. and that's what I'm doing, looking up music.. and rambling. to a computer.
sigh.
May 4, 2007
oh boy
so. ?
today's a little cold for May. I like it though. I sold some books back thinking I would get at least $15 or so for them because half of them I bought NEW. but noooo.. $10. that's it. but at least now I have something to spend if I actually go out tonight.
the days go by slow, but the weeks fly by like JETS. next week is our last (or at least, some people's last) and I'm not even that excited. I feel like nothing's exciting anymore because it's all inevitable. someone needs to surprise me.
what do you do when your feelings for someone don't seem to be shared by that person, but then you realize that that person could be so much like you that they are only hiding their feelings.. just like you? I bet that made no sense. I've been thinking about it alot though. same zodiac sign, same age, same eyes... what's the procedure for dealing with your same personality? or is it just a bad idea to try to deal with it at all? ugh. maybe I should just give up. I ALWAYS give up though. I want to at least get an answer this time.
my ramblings aren't getting me anywhere. I feel like I've been thinking in circles. life is never that exciting for me. the clouds look like an army of huge, puffy manatees and they're coming in to save the day. or just to make it rain... which would save my day. I realized why Hawaii seems so green: when it's cloudy, everything green looks greener.
including those eyes.
today's a little cold for May. I like it though. I sold some books back thinking I would get at least $15 or so for them because half of them I bought NEW. but noooo.. $10. that's it. but at least now I have something to spend if I actually go out tonight.
the days go by slow, but the weeks fly by like JETS. next week is our last (or at least, some people's last) and I'm not even that excited. I feel like nothing's exciting anymore because it's all inevitable. someone needs to surprise me.
what do you do when your feelings for someone don't seem to be shared by that person, but then you realize that that person could be so much like you that they are only hiding their feelings.. just like you? I bet that made no sense. I've been thinking about it alot though. same zodiac sign, same age, same eyes... what's the procedure for dealing with your same personality? or is it just a bad idea to try to deal with it at all? ugh. maybe I should just give up. I ALWAYS give up though. I want to at least get an answer this time.
my ramblings aren't getting me anywhere. I feel like I've been thinking in circles. life is never that exciting for me. the clouds look like an army of huge, puffy manatees and they're coming in to save the day. or just to make it rain... which would save my day. I realized why Hawaii seems so green: when it's cloudy, everything green looks greener.
including those eyes.
Apr 25, 2007
can't
I can't get my work done. I'm starting to not care. I should probably head home now and I haven't even written a whole page since 1:00. I hate school. just when I start to LIKE it, things happen to make me not like it, and then I hate it again. what is one to do. done.
Apr 23, 2007
un.inspired
blah. that's all I've got. things are sucking lately. I don't do anything, barely talk to anyone (but when I do talk to people, I regret it).. I guess I could change these things, but that takes motivation.
still working on the stupid spain and portugal paper that's due friday. the end of the semester is near and I have a million things to work on. but I'm sure everyone else does too. I can't remember why I was going to write a blog in the first place..
it'll come back to me.
oh, I hate my stupid regretful, indecisive nature! (duh) I will debate and conflict with myself over the tiniest, most trivial thing, and then if I do it, I feel like a dumb ass. but if I don't do it, I feel stupid for not taking a chance. what's wrong with me?
then: PEOPLE. I can't get over it. don't say I'm cool and that we should hang out, blah blah blah, and that we're FRIENDS and then completely ignore me. I just want to know if I'm wanted or not. :(
still working on the stupid spain and portugal paper that's due friday. the end of the semester is near and I have a million things to work on. but I'm sure everyone else does too. I can't remember why I was going to write a blog in the first place..
it'll come back to me.
oh, I hate my stupid regretful, indecisive nature! (duh) I will debate and conflict with myself over the tiniest, most trivial thing, and then if I do it, I feel like a dumb ass. but if I don't do it, I feel stupid for not taking a chance. what's wrong with me?
then: PEOPLE. I can't get over it. don't say I'm cool and that we should hang out, blah blah blah, and that we're FRIENDS and then completely ignore me. I just want to know if I'm wanted or not. :(
Apr 19, 2007
thursday
I'm starting to like thursdays a bit more than I used to. it's hard to explain. something about the next day being friday and then thursdays are usually more eventful than other days (even if it's not very positive eventfulness)...
today, on the plaza, they have polynesian stuff going on. food and dancing and music. I feel like I'm back in Hawaii. :) and I like how not many other people here really know what it's like to go to school in Hawaii and to see that stuff all the time. so for me it's nostalgia, for them it's something strange and intriguing. it does make me miss da island a little bit, and it's helping to brighten my mood (along with the weather). yay for spring, finally.
k, so I go to myspace to log in and the person who was on here before me's name was on there (if you know, then you know) and it said, "Hi, superman". haha. cracked me up. I'm so addicted to updating my stupid profiles on facebook and myspace. I don't even use them to stalk people anymore (I know, what's wrong with me?) I just think of ways I can change my look, or music, or what new things I can write about myself. I'm soooo lame! gosh. talking about this crap.
I am lacking things to do this weekend. (alright, strike that. I'm lacking PEOPLE to do things with this weekend) I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to have a reason to get up in the mornings and get dressed to go out. I have a feeling that all I'll worry about is school work and I probably won't even get anything done, like usual. :( right now I have an hour to waste in the library.. maybe I'll stumble across something interesting on the internet?
today, on the plaza, they have polynesian stuff going on. food and dancing and music. I feel like I'm back in Hawaii. :) and I like how not many other people here really know what it's like to go to school in Hawaii and to see that stuff all the time. so for me it's nostalgia, for them it's something strange and intriguing. it does make me miss da island a little bit, and it's helping to brighten my mood (along with the weather). yay for spring, finally.
k, so I go to myspace to log in and the person who was on here before me's name was on there (if you know, then you know) and it said, "Hi, superman". haha. cracked me up. I'm so addicted to updating my stupid profiles on facebook and myspace. I don't even use them to stalk people anymore (I know, what's wrong with me?) I just think of ways I can change my look, or music, or what new things I can write about myself. I'm soooo lame! gosh. talking about this crap.
I am lacking things to do this weekend. (alright, strike that. I'm lacking PEOPLE to do things with this weekend) I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to have a reason to get up in the mornings and get dressed to go out. I have a feeling that all I'll worry about is school work and I probably won't even get anything done, like usual. :( right now I have an hour to waste in the library.. maybe I'll stumble across something interesting on the internet?
Apr 18, 2007
slacking
I don't want to do anything that I should do. (surprise, surprise) I have a research paper I should be working on. I should do some job searching. I should be patient. I should go home and eat instead of sitting in the library at this computer. my stomach is about to eat itself. I should call my dad and tell him I need money instead of copping out and writing a dumb email. I should study french. I should do french homework! actually, I think I will while I'm here. where was I? I should call people on the phone, period. I never do that. facebook rules our lives.
Apr 17, 2007
I'm excited
things I'm looking forward to (in no specific order):
graduation (even though I'm not graduating, I'm excited for those who are)
summer classes (no, really)
Across the Universe (look it up!!)
having a job and having MONEY (for obvious reasons)
a steady friend (or more than friend)
end of the year festivities (which have kind of already started)
Lindsay's wedding (if I can afford to go.. that is)
visiting my dad (Vegas, new pad, kitty)
311 in August! (I MIGHT see them..)
I might be updating this list from time to time. (check back)
;)
graduation (even though I'm not graduating, I'm excited for those who are)
summer classes (no, really)
Across the Universe (look it up!!)
having a job and having MONEY (for obvious reasons)
a steady friend (or more than friend)
end of the year festivities (which have kind of already started)
Lindsay's wedding (if I can afford to go.. that is)
visiting my dad (Vegas, new pad, kitty)
311 in August! (I MIGHT see them..)
I might be updating this list from time to time. (check back)
;)
umbrella(s)
oh boy. so yesterday was a mess. 30-something people died because a crazed genius with a gun was mad. makes you happy to be living in this world, huh? all I have to say is they didn't deserve it. I didn't know any of the victims personally, but I'm sure they didn't deserve it.
there also was a free Common concert on campus last night. :] that was cool. except it started a couple hours later than it was supposed to-- lame. we got rained on. haha, I couldn't help but smile at the few random umbrellas that I saw. rain+hip hop equals happiness.
speaking of umbrellas.. I've been searching google for a good picture of someone with an umbrella, particularly in a cloudy/rainy setting, but all I'm finding are goofy pictures of George Bush holding an inside-out black umbrella. ? silly Bush. AND there was a picture in the midst of that with a guy sitting behind an umbrella with the words "bush kills children" painted on it. I know, right? haha.
the search continues. I have no idea why I'm looking for this particular picture, but I NEED it.
I have a quiz in my class in half an hour over this book that I never even acquired. gonna have some problems.. luckily it's multiple choice. O.O
there also was a free Common concert on campus last night. :] that was cool. except it started a couple hours later than it was supposed to-- lame. we got rained on. haha, I couldn't help but smile at the few random umbrellas that I saw. rain+hip hop equals happiness.
speaking of umbrellas.. I've been searching google for a good picture of someone with an umbrella, particularly in a cloudy/rainy setting, but all I'm finding are goofy pictures of George Bush holding an inside-out black umbrella. ? silly Bush. AND there was a picture in the midst of that with a guy sitting behind an umbrella with the words "bush kills children" painted on it. I know, right? haha.
the search continues. I have no idea why I'm looking for this particular picture, but I NEED it.
I have a quiz in my class in half an hour over this book that I never even acquired. gonna have some problems.. luckily it's multiple choice. O.O
Apr 13, 2007
I was lied to
I thought there was going to be some ground-breaking epic of a snowstorm last night and there wasn't. not that I wanted it, but still.
and I just realized it's friday the 13th and I've been under the impression that it's the 12th!! bah.
I think that explains it then. the weather's freaky because of the date. or just because it's a retarded state in terms of weather predictability period.
I also think that I'm suffering from some kind of depression/dementia. I woke up angry. I mean ANGRY, for no reason at all other than that I HAD to get up. I hope I didn't ruin my roommate's sleep due to my banging stuff and groaning with annoyance at nothing at all. (though this morning, when I was mad, I wouldn't have given a rat's ass if she was disturbed) then, when I got into my french class after being shot with some cold wind and un-comfort from the way people were looking at me (or not looking at me), I felt extremely giddy. everyone else was bummed about the weather so that gave me an excuse to be controversial and say things like, "cheer up, it's friday!" and "at least it didn't snow" when I wasn't even thinking those things. haha, I'm so weird lately! everything was making me laugh though. and no one else was laughing at the things that I was laughing at, so then that made me laugh at the fact that I was the only one laughing. man.
oh, also. I was under the impression that a certain person might have somewhat been interested in getting to know me better, but it seems more like I'm bugging the heck out of him, so I've decided to stop pursuing that venture. in case anyone was wondering.
and I just realized it's friday the 13th and I've been under the impression that it's the 12th!! bah.
I think that explains it then. the weather's freaky because of the date. or just because it's a retarded state in terms of weather predictability period.
I also think that I'm suffering from some kind of depression/dementia. I woke up angry. I mean ANGRY, for no reason at all other than that I HAD to get up. I hope I didn't ruin my roommate's sleep due to my banging stuff and groaning with annoyance at nothing at all. (though this morning, when I was mad, I wouldn't have given a rat's ass if she was disturbed) then, when I got into my french class after being shot with some cold wind and un-comfort from the way people were looking at me (or not looking at me), I felt extremely giddy. everyone else was bummed about the weather so that gave me an excuse to be controversial and say things like, "cheer up, it's friday!" and "at least it didn't snow" when I wasn't even thinking those things. haha, I'm so weird lately! everything was making me laugh though. and no one else was laughing at the things that I was laughing at, so then that made me laugh at the fact that I was the only one laughing. man.
oh, also. I was under the impression that a certain person might have somewhat been interested in getting to know me better, but it seems more like I'm bugging the heck out of him, so I've decided to stop pursuing that venture. in case anyone was wondering.
Apr 12, 2007
Melancholy
ooookaaayyyy..
I haven't even logged into my blog in more than four months, so it's a little all over the place. I'm not going to get rid of my old ones, but I am going to start writing some more (at least I think). those of you who are actually reading this are probably my facebook friends or some random blogger who thought I looked interesting. guess what? I'm NOT. haha. no, actually I am. well... I'll let you decide for yourself.
the mood is melancholy- according to dictionary.com it could mean an assortment of things. sadness, depression, irritability, gloomy, pensive, a combination of all of those...
lately I've been feeling like nothing matters. I care about how I look or sound at this exact point in time, but everything else isn't really sinking in. the future: what's the future gonna hold for me? who knows? (so I don't really worry about it too much) the past: MY past is a bunch of sad memories and people who I can barely even remember. my school life is centered around humanity's past though, and I'm learning as much as I can from that.
I can't seem to figure things out. I mean, people. I can't seem to figure people out. everywhere I go it's different personality types and different ways of dealing with things. I just haven't gotten the hang of THIS place yet, I guess. maybe I should stop trying to figure people out and just work on liking them for the way they are. sometimes I just wish someone would say, "it's because I'm confused." or "I don't like you, go away." or "talk to me some more because I can't decide whether I like this or not." I'm sure I make no sense.
everyone always says they like how "open" I am. or they admire my honesty, or my ability to say what I want to say. it's not hard! everyone should do it. we'd all be a lot better off.
I haven't even logged into my blog in more than four months, so it's a little all over the place. I'm not going to get rid of my old ones, but I am going to start writing some more (at least I think). those of you who are actually reading this are probably my facebook friends or some random blogger who thought I looked interesting. guess what? I'm NOT. haha. no, actually I am. well... I'll let you decide for yourself.
the mood is melancholy- according to dictionary.com it could mean an assortment of things. sadness, depression, irritability, gloomy, pensive, a combination of all of those...
lately I've been feeling like nothing matters. I care about how I look or sound at this exact point in time, but everything else isn't really sinking in. the future: what's the future gonna hold for me? who knows? (so I don't really worry about it too much) the past: MY past is a bunch of sad memories and people who I can barely even remember. my school life is centered around humanity's past though, and I'm learning as much as I can from that.
I can't seem to figure things out. I mean, people. I can't seem to figure people out. everywhere I go it's different personality types and different ways of dealing with things. I just haven't gotten the hang of THIS place yet, I guess. maybe I should stop trying to figure people out and just work on liking them for the way they are. sometimes I just wish someone would say, "it's because I'm confused." or "I don't like you, go away." or "talk to me some more because I can't decide whether I like this or not." I'm sure I make no sense.
everyone always says they like how "open" I am. or they admire my honesty, or my ability to say what I want to say. it's not hard! everyone should do it. we'd all be a lot better off.
Sep 30, 2006
WASPS
so, apparently fall brings wasps.
me and my roommate were noticing that we haven't seen too many bugs around our condo (thankfully) besides house flies. then out of nowhere, the other day there's a wasp in our living room. a WASP!!? it was strange. but luckily it wasn't much of a menace, it just walked around the top of our window and hung out. my roommate eventually trapped it in some tupperware and transported it back outside. (she's braver than me. spiders I can handle, wasps have wings) so it was all good. maybe.
today.. we get another one. a BIG one. and it's not just hanging out on the window. this thing was zooming around our condo, bumping into things, making that little buzzing sound.. bah. I kinda hid in my room as Megan waited around for a good chance to close in on it, and then I heard her call me to open the door for her. man. these things are everywhere! I don't get it. and we can't leave any of our windows open because almost all of the screens have holes in them. I won't be surprised if we find an actual nest in here one day.
me and my roommate were noticing that we haven't seen too many bugs around our condo (thankfully) besides house flies. then out of nowhere, the other day there's a wasp in our living room. a WASP!!? it was strange. but luckily it wasn't much of a menace, it just walked around the top of our window and hung out. my roommate eventually trapped it in some tupperware and transported it back outside. (she's braver than me. spiders I can handle, wasps have wings) so it was all good. maybe.
today.. we get another one. a BIG one. and it's not just hanging out on the window. this thing was zooming around our condo, bumping into things, making that little buzzing sound.. bah. I kinda hid in my room as Megan waited around for a good chance to close in on it, and then I heard her call me to open the door for her. man. these things are everywhere! I don't get it. and we can't leave any of our windows open because almost all of the screens have holes in them. I won't be surprised if we find an actual nest in here one day.
Sep 28, 2006
holy shit, it's almost October!
I think that all-nighter the other night messed up my sleep habits. I got at least 7 hours of sleep last night, yet I feel like I've only gotten 2. it sucks. especially when I have to get up and finish shit for class, and then GO to class. ugh. I want it to be Thanksgiving break already. actually, no, I want it to be the day after I graduate already. I've got so much more school to do, it's sickening.
so, I think fall is officially upon us. it's weird because last year, fall was no big deal. the weather didn't feel any different. I couldn't go home for random weekend visits and play in leaves... being in Colorado has changed alot of things already. I do miss Hawaii though. it feels like a huge dream that I had. if it weren't for my friends who are still there, I would think that I imagined the whole thing.
so, I think fall is officially upon us. it's weird because last year, fall was no big deal. the weather didn't feel any different. I couldn't go home for random weekend visits and play in leaves... being in Colorado has changed alot of things already. I do miss Hawaii though. it feels like a huge dream that I had. if it weren't for my friends who are still there, I would think that I imagined the whole thing.
Sep 26, 2006
john lennon & mellowcreme pumpkins
it's 3:35 am. I'm in the process of writing a paper that's due at 9:30 am. I've been working on this thing almost all day (well, yesterday) and I'm not even halfway done. how's that for procrastination?
it's freezing in our condo right now. I'm wearing a sweatshirt, sweatpants and my heavy winter coat, and I'm still cold. I think maybe my body is just slowing down because I'm so tired. whatever it is, it's not good. I'm starting to lose the little concentration that I had and the caffeine doesn't seem to be working.
I have to admit- I was a little excited about pulling an all nighter. I've never stayed up this long getting a homework assignment done... I don't think. I just wish I was more motivated to actually FINISH MY PAPER and not slack off with the seemingly endless amount of time that I gave myself by not sleeping. fuuuuccckkkk. I hate school. I will probably say it as long as I'm in it. I HATE SCHOOL! why am I here? blah. alright, that's all.
it's freezing in our condo right now. I'm wearing a sweatshirt, sweatpants and my heavy winter coat, and I'm still cold. I think maybe my body is just slowing down because I'm so tired. whatever it is, it's not good. I'm starting to lose the little concentration that I had and the caffeine doesn't seem to be working.
I have to admit- I was a little excited about pulling an all nighter. I've never stayed up this long getting a homework assignment done... I don't think. I just wish I was more motivated to actually FINISH MY PAPER and not slack off with the seemingly endless amount of time that I gave myself by not sleeping. fuuuuccckkkk. I hate school. I will probably say it as long as I'm in it. I HATE SCHOOL! why am I here? blah. alright, that's all.
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